May 29, 2015

7 QT: A Little Recap of the Last Couple Weeks

Hi! I haven't joined in on 7 Quick takes for a while, so I thought I'd jump in this week!  There has been a lot going on, so I thought I'd just give you an overview of that!


A couple weeks ago, after over five months on the job hunt, I got two offers of employment! That felt awesome! They were both great companies, and it was a tough call.  I ended up going with the firm that's closer to the field I want to be in.  I'm so excited to start next Monday! Thank you for listening to me whine along the way, and for any prayers you sent up for me.  I am not patient, so that was a tough wait.


Of course, getting a new job means giving my notice at my current job. I did that on last week, and I thought it went decently well.  I was trying to keep things amicable, as much as I just wanted to do this:

Things were awkward since I gave my notice though.  I guess that's to be expected, but I really hate awkward situations, so two weeks of it was not particularly fun.  I'm glad it's all over now though! My last day on the job was yesterday! So I get a nice three day weekend to rest up before the new one starts!


On a different note, we had our first meeting for our Catholic Infertility Ministry on last week!  It's off to a small start, we only had five people, but they are really great people!  I learned so much from them in just one night!  I'm so excited that people actually showed up and we actually got started!   This next month I'll be kicking up the spreading the word effort (even more), which is a little daunting, but I guess I just have to do it! On that note, I've created a blog button for the ministry's website:

Clicking it will take you to the Catholic Infertility Ministry website, where we've got some resources, and are always working on making it better and adding more (and are always willing to take suggestions). I am not super tech savvy and haven't figured out how to share the html code for the button yet, but feel free to take it and make it link back to If you'd like!


On a random note, its actually been raining in my drought ridden state a little bit over the last few weeks.  Probably not even close to as much as we need, but it helps.  My garden is loving it too!  I have some lilac bushes that just refuse to be happy, and I can't figure out if it's from over or under watering.  But when it rains, whether its because they're getting more water or because I don't water when it rains, they perk right up.  Maybe they just prefer their water from the sky, but whatever it is, I'll take it over them dying.  My peaches are coming in nicely too.  I just hope this year I can beat the rats to them. Last year I think I only got a few, the rest were gnawed on right before it was time to pick them :(.


Ooh, there's something else going on in my garden right now too. I can't believe I haven't mentioned here what I'm growing yet.  I made a (tiny) vegetable patch out of a planter area that was looking messy, and I'm growing... TOMATOES (and a little bit of basil)! That's right, little mascots for this blog.  No, I couldn't help myself, I had to do it.  So far, they're pretty happy and growing fast! I even see our first few tomatoes coming in! I love it!  Here's the latest picture I have of them:

This was a week or two ago, they've gotten bigger since then! I really need to get them some cages but keep forgetting.  Hopefully soon I make my way to home depot.


Last weekend we went to nearby city to see the Hubs's favorite band in concert!  It was a last second idea and kind of ended up being an early birthday present to the Hubs after we realized how much it would cost to go out of town on a holiday weekend.  It took about three hours for us to make the usually one hour trip, but we expected it and were prepared.  The concert was awesome and totally worth it!  We got to see Matt Nathanson, who was very talented, and hilarious, though his squirmy dance moves bothered the Hubs a little, lol

Then we saw the Fray!

Ah, I love them so much.  Really, I think they were better live than recorded, I love when that happens.  Oh, and I managed to get, oh, this close to the lead singer.

not the best picture, but you get the idea

Yea, that was awesome.

Last was Train.  Always so good, an they put on a great show.

The only negative is that they saved the Hubs's favorite song (Drops of Jupiter) for the end.  We knew they would do this from the last time we saw them (for his birthday a few years ago. Yes, I am awful at coming up with original ideas), but this time we wanted to beat the traffic, so we left before it played :(.  I did play the song for him a few times in the car ride back to the hotel :).

On the way back home the next day we picked up wine! Yay! We were a couple shipments behind on our wine club (we're cheap and don't want to pay for shipment) so we got four bottles! Surprisingly, we've only had one so far, lol.


I don't have a bunch of plans for this weekend.  I've actually turned down some invites, just so I'll be rested up to start the new job.  Today I have a doctor appointment (yep, that means another cycle review headed your way) and a facial scheduled (from a gift card the Hubs gave me years ago).  I know, it's a rough life.  All I need to do for the rest of the weekend is go shopping for some new professional duds, maybe get my car cleaned, and clean the house.  I have a feeling I'm going to be pretty busy starting, so I want to get a head start on the disaster the house is going to turn into, lol.

That's all I have for you now!  What have you been up to lately?

As always, for more great posts, check out Kelly's at This Ain't The Lyceum.

May 25, 2015

What A Pain In The...

Well... you get the idea.

As I mentioned before, we're only making one change this cycle, switching from oral progesterone to progesterone shots.  I have a little bit of a fear of needles, though I assume like my fear of blood draws, it'll diminish as I do them more regularly.  I was also a little apprehensive that I would take the shot at the wrong time.  Last cycle was weird, and I think I might have misidentified peak, so I was worried that would happen again.  Luckily, this cycle my peak was pretty clear, so I'm not very worried about the timing.

So... the day for my first shot was yesterday.  Fun stuff.  The Hubs took his role as shot giver pretty seriously.  He read and reread the instructions my doctor gave us, googled around for information, and watched a few videos on how to give shots.  I did a little bit of research too on how to prepare and what to do after to minimize the chance of pain, soreness, and knots.  The most common bits of advice I saw were to preheat the shot area (the butt), and after to heat it, massage it, and walk around a bit.  I had looked into this plenty of time before, so I got a heating pad with plenty of time to spare.

When the time for the shot came I got my butt nice and toasty. DH worked on prepping the shot and the shot area, lol, to which I tried not to pay much attention.  I will say, his drawing on my poor butt cheek to make sure he got the shot in the right place (which just felt like a scratch) hurt more than the actual shot did.  I didn't even notice when the Hubs actually did the shot, I asked him if he had done it yet and found out he had started like a minute ago! So I guess I didn't have much reason to be scared of the shot itself.  I did make sure I heated, walked around, and got several butt massages after, haha. The Hubs has been a pretty good sport with the last one :).

Today, the area is most definitely sore. not unbearably, just noticeable when I put weight on the area (though being my butt and all, that happens a lot).  There doesn't appear to be a welt or knot there though, I am glad about that.  It has gotten better over the day, but I have gotten the Hubs to agree to try taking longer to administer the shot.  He took exactly two minutes this time, which is what the doctor suggested, but I've heard slower is better.  I don't know if I've noticed a difference from the progesterone yet, though maybe a little less anxious, which is a good thing.  My new normal post peak nausea had started to set in yesterday before the shot, but I haven't noticed any today.  That and the breast tenderness usually set in between P+3 and P+6, so fingers crossed that they stay away, that would be awesome.  I'll guess we'll see what happens!

May 20, 2015

Getting Through The Pruning

Lately I've been dealing with both good and bad days, though probably mostly good.  I mean, I've had little complaints here and there, but physically and mentally I've been feeling mostly good. On the good days I forget what the bad days are like.  I float along just fine until another bad day comes out of nowhere and slaps me in the face.

The bad days recently have been a little tough, they always are.  Some of them correlated with my taking clomid, I'm sure (stupid clomid), but just knowing that it's not me, it's the side effects doesn't help me snap out of it.  And sometimes random things, like pregnancy announcements, throw me into a whole negative thought spiral.  I never know when something is going to hit me hard like that, and it's always hard to pull myself out.

I was working on my little garden last week (one of these days I'll show it to you), and I had to prune all the dead flowers off my rose bushes.  There's only one left now, after a plentiful bloom.  It made me sad in a way (again, I blame the clomid for making me sad while gardening, lol). But it also reminded me of this bible passage, John 15: 1-5:

If we listen to God's word and try to grow in His ways, we might bloom, but we might need some pruning too.  The pruning can be painful, but it's a necessary thing.  If I don't prune my roses they get out of control, overburdened, and won't bloom as much later.  One bush was already obviously struggling with the weight of all the flowers and new vines, it had to be cut back.  After the pruning things look a little bleak.  The rose bushes are all green, no pretty blooms for me to stare at as I walk out the door in the morning or drink my coffee on the weekend. But I know that soon they'll be back, and better than ever.

In the same way, sometimes we go along blooming, things are great, but maybe we become over burdened or out of control.  Maybe we are headed in the wrong direction and don't even know it yet. Sometimes the things we thought were good, that we have become accustomed to, the happy feelings, have to go.  And sometimes we have to be led in a direction that seems painful, somewhere we don't want to go.  But the bleakness isn't permanent, and is not pointless.  It is needed for us to become something better.  As long as we stay close to Him, we will make it through. And hopefully the blooms will come back, and better than ever.

May 16, 2015

Life as an Infertility Representative

The infertility ministry that the Hubs and I are starting hasn't even met yet, but, as I mentioned before, for the week leading up to the first meeting I'm scheduled for all sorts of events to try to spread the word. Today was day three of four in a row.  Thursday I attended our parish's newcomer dinner, Friday I went to a girls' wine & cheese night (so tough, I know), today we manned a table outside of the Saturday Vigil Mass, and tomorrow we're manning the table all day, after all five masses offered on Sunday. The next two days we'll be working on preparing for the meeting, then the meeting is Wednesday!  It's coming up so fast.

With all of these events, I feel like I'm becoming a bit of an infertility representative...and it's a weird feeling.  While I've been pretty open about our infertility struggles to close family and friends (and you here, of course), I'd never announced to the world or literally worn a label that I'm infertile before.  To be honest with you, it has been uncomfortable, but an eye opening experience as well.

At the parish's newcomer dinner people who have joined the parish in the last year are welcomed to a dinner, and heads of ministries are asked to attend to let the newcomer's know what the parish offers.  I went as a new ministry leader, though I attended the last newcomer dinner they had as a new member of the parish. Anyways, all attendees got name tags, which had just your name if you were a newcomer, or your name and the name of your ministry if you were a ministry leader.  I had a name tag that said "Infertility Ministry" on it, so yep, I've been officially labeled as infertile now.  It was so weird for me to have my identity be tied with infertility for that whole event, that everyone who approached me knew I was infertile, considering it is usually not something visible to other people.  I was so nervous, and didn't know how to approach other people, luckily some people saw that and approached me.  The response I got most was from the older crowd making a joke like "oh, I don't need to worry about that now", but some women approached me and poured out their hearts about their own struggles.  Others affirmed that it was a needed ministry, which I agreed with, though I wasn't great at eloquently stating why I thought so, oh well.  It was really amazing to be met by so much kindness and openness, in the face of something so awkward and raw.

The girls' wine and cheese night was a great experience too.  I'm such an introvert, I really don't get outside my small group of friends very often, so this was definitely outside my comfort zone. But it was great to be with a group of women really trying to live out their faith, so many of them were involved in some kind of ministry, I feel pretty lame with how little I've done in the past up until trying to start the infertility ministry.  Most of them were single, only a couple others were married, but I was impressed that the other married women openly talked about NFP, and the single women were aware of it too.  I on the other hand was not very articulate when I was trying to explain why I think NFP is so important for women regardless, or trying to talk about infertility and explain what we're trying to do with the ministry. But even with my awkwardness, I was impressed by how much the women there were understanding.  I didn't get one insensitive comment, but rather just a lot of support, ideas, and solidarity regarding insensitivity aimed at their stations in life too. It was really an affirming experience, I'm so glad I went.

Saturday mass and manning the table was pretty uneventful.  Most people walked by without noticing (I can't blame them, that's what I usually do too).  Some made the same joke about being too old to need to worry about infertility.  One woman approached us for information for friends, she was very quick to note she wasn't infertile herself.  And then one of the people I had met at the newcomer's dinner, another ministry leader, mentioned how he and his wife never got infertility sorted out, it was just the two of them.  All I could think of to say was that it was only the two of us too.  I wish I could've thought of something better to say, though I don't know what.

After manning the table, we (ironically?) went to a baby shower.  Luckily, it was more of just a party where baby gifts were accepted, no real baby shower events happened, and it was coed, so it was nice to have the Hubs as back up there.  A sibling of a friend who I've met a few times over the years said hi and mentioned that he and his wife were struggling with trying to have a second child.  The best thing I could come up with saying was "oh"and then pretty much just walked away.

An accurate representation of my thoughts (and lack thereof)
I don't know what's wrong with me.  Here I'm trying to minister to people dealing with infertility, have gathered all this information on it, but when I'm given an opportunity to discuss it or do some good in the real world all I can come up with is "oh".  Yes, I've been kicking myself about that failed conversation since then.  Obviously I have no idea what I'm doing and need all the help I can get, ugh.

So, it's been a bit of a hit and miss process.  I'm really amazed at how much positive feedback we're getting, and how much openness and thoughtfulness we're finding. It has been so encouraging.  At the same time, I'm realizing more and more that I have no idea what I'm doing, and am so very far out of my own comfort zone.  Every time I try to talk about the subject, I feel like I sound like an idiot.  Maybe it's just that there is so much going on in my brain about the topic, it's like a traffic jam, none of it actually gets out when I need it too, or maybe I'm just really bad at speaking in general.  Here's hoping (and praying) that going forward God can give me the right words when they need to be said, and help me actually help the people I am hoping to reach. I know I'm useless all on my own.

May 11, 2015

Weigh Day Vol. 5

Welcome back for another weigh day recap. Let's start off with the good news. After my gain last time, and probably due to all of your kind encouragement, I was really motivated and had a really good week.  I tripped up one day, the day we went to see avengers, and had a meal that used up all of my extra points in one fell swoop.  One of these days I'll learn to check nutrition facts ahead of time (it was a really good meal though).  I bounced back from that meal and stuck to my guns the next few days, and was down a whopping 4 pounds at my weigh in!  That's the most I've lost in one week since I started (this time).  It felt great to be back on track!

This last week, well, was okay.  I was eating alright, until the weekend hit that is.  We had a baptism to attend on Saturday, that was nice, but the reception held after had way too much good food.  It was a problem.  Halfway into my first plate I realized I had no idea how I would track the food, gave up, and had two plates of dessert thereafter. There may have been some comforting eating involved considering the being around babies and baby talk.  I really have to find ways to cope with emotion outside of food, but that didn't happen the next day.  Sunday, as you're most likely aware, was mother's day.  We spent most of the day hanging out with my mom, we went to mass as a family then out to brunch.  Again, a little bit of a tough day meant a lot of comfort eating on my part.  I was supposed to split a dessert with my sister, I think I ended up eating most of both of ours :/.  Oh, and I started a new cycle the same week, so carb cravings and bloating were in full force.  So, all that considered, I wasn't really expecting much from the weigh in, though I was really hoping I wasn't up again.  Luckily, I was down, though not by much, a very small .2 pounds. But hey, it's better than being up again.

Like I mentioned a couple times, I really need to learn how to deal with emotions without resorting to food.  Every time I'm upset I feel like I "deserve" to eat what I want, and g out and eat something not great for the whole trying to lose weight thing.  I don't know how to knock that idea out of my head and come up with a better coping mechanism.  Any ideas?

May 8, 2015

Making Lemonade Out of Lemons

I know things have been a little quieter around here that the usual lately (again, if you didn't notice, we'll just call it even).  I have been a little busy on some other things.  Yes, I do (on occasion) have a life outside of this blog (this is where I do spend most of my free time though).

What have I been busy with you ask?  Well, I've been on a bit of a mission, a mission to bring the good out of the badness.  To make lemonade out of the lemons that we've been handed.  (Fun fact about me: I frequently misstate this as making lemons out of lemonade, lol). I've been on a mission to make something good come out of all the negativity of infertility.  There's so much negativity to it, and at times I've definitely chosen to wallow in it.  Sometimes it is definitely necessary to acknowledge my feelings and let myself feel them, but sometimes I need to pick myself up and keep moving.  Finding that I'm able to take this negative experience and turn it into something that will hopefully be positive for other people is really empowering, and even healing in a way.

To be more specific, as I've been mentioning here and there, the Hubs and I have been trying to get an infertility ministry off the ground at my parish for a while now.  At the end of April we finally got the go ahead, and now our first meeting is set for May 20th! So we've kicked into overdrive trying to get the word out, what with bulletin ads, flyers, brochures, setting up the facebook page, a website, etc., etc.  It has taken a good amount of time, but we've gotten most of that mostly designed, and now we're on to the hardest part, actually getting the word out.

You see, I'm very much an introvert. Human interaction of any kind is taxing to me, and I really especially hate making phone calls, just hate it.  I will go out of my way to do anything I can, including driving somewhere to ask a question in person, instead of  making a phone call.  And second only to that is actual in person functions.  You can find me in the corner or by the food table, thanks.  And in order to get this thing off the ground I've been emailing, calling, and committing myself to various functions all day long.  Seriously, I will be going to at least one function a day (and some days two or more) from next Thursday through next Sunday. My introvert heart is shaking in its proverbial boots.

But at the same time, I haven't been as worn out or as terrified as I thought I'd be.  Part of that is probably because I tend to build things up to be worse than they are.  The other part of is that I really think the Holy Spirit, and the prayers and encouragement of others, are carrying me through.  This is not something I would normally do, this is not something I've ever done before.  Both starting a ministry and all the steps leading up to getting it started, these are not things in my usual tool kit of skills.  Yet, when I need the words, they come to me, when I need to design something, inspirations strikes, when I need to contact someone, I find the energy to do it (mostly, it still might take some time before I get up the courage to do it).

That is how I know this is something I need to be doing.  Like I mentioned in my post about When God Says No, the easiest way for me to understand what God wants is when the doors start swinging open.  In this case, there were many we had to push open first, but now everything is falling into place, we just have to keep pushing through.

So, that all being said, if you would like to check out what we've gotten done so far with the ministry, our website is here, and the Facebook page is here.  If you are dealing with infertility and are in the Southern California area, or if you know anyone who is, please feel free to join us for and/or spread the word about our first meeting on May 20th!

May 6, 2015

Cycle Review 7

I'm a few days late on getting this up, my appointment was Monday.  I don't know why I kept putting it off, but here it finally is.

As usual, I'm starting with a little recap of the cycle.  Another clomid cycle, same dose, same pretty much everything.  Only addition was amoxicillin for CM.  Amazingly, the clomid side effects seem to have disappeared.  At least I didn't notice them at all this cycle, yay.  The amoxicillin did it's job too, CM was much much better this cycle.  It was actually confusing for me, since every cycle has been different, I get confused identifying peak, but so far it seems like I've been doing an ok job.

I still played the "did I ovulate?" guessing game.  I had some ovulation pain, but it was on and off for a week, not the clear few days like last time.The CM was throwing me off, because it seemed close to what I usually have during anovulatory cycles, and there was only one dry day post peak. I did however end up with breast tenderness and, my favorite symptom, nausea.  I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but every cycle with a confirmed ovulation I get nauseated post peak, along with fatigue and hot flashes/night sweats, I'm really not loving it. No clue what is causing it, other than maybe my progesterone being low, or my body not being used to the hormone fluctuations of ovulation (don't think pregnancy, it shows up wayyy earlier than pregnancy symptoms possibly could, and the previous two cycles this happened I had negative pregnancy tests).

So, on to the appointment.  Blood tests showed my estrogen good, testosterone staying lower, but my progesterone low. The ultrasound showed that lining was good and confirmed ovulation!  Only one ovary this time though, lol.

The good news is that it looks like my body has finally decided to cooperate! Yay! Though I am kind of worried that we're getting close to the max number of clomid cycles, and I wonder what happens then?  I've been meaning to ask my doctor, but keep forgetting.  The bad news is that since the oral progesterone isn't doing its job, we're switching to progesterone shots, boo :(. I do not like shots, not at all, nope nope.  Though the Hubs is excited to be giving them, haha, that should be interesting.

So I guess I am again in the TWW.  I'm not really expecting anything though, again our timing was bad, my period is due any day, and I got a BFN on P+12.  So I'm really just waiting for the next cycle to start and to see what it brings.

May 2, 2015

Resources Page

I've finally put together a resources page for this blog, I've been meaning to for quite some time.  It's pretty rough, and could use more work, I definitely plan on continuing to update it.  It includes a list of some general Catholic living/prayer resources I've found helpful (and I think I've mentioned most of them before here), a list of patron saints of infertility (because I had fun making the list), and some Catholic infertility resources.  Feel free to check it out, and let me know if you think I'm missing anything!