Cycle Review 7

I'm a few days late on getting this up, my appointment was Monday.  I don't know why I kept putting it off, but here it finally is.

As usual, I'm starting with a little recap of the cycle.  Another clomid cycle, same dose, same pretty much everything.  Only addition was amoxicillin for CM.  Amazingly, the clomid side effects seem to have disappeared.  At least I didn't notice them at all this cycle, yay.  The amoxicillin did it's job too, CM was much much better this cycle.  It was actually confusing for me, since every cycle has been different, I get confused identifying peak, but so far it seems like I've been doing an ok job.

I still played the "did I ovulate?" guessing game.  I had some ovulation pain, but it was on and off for a week, not the clear few days like last time.The CM was throwing me off, because it seemed close to what I usually have during anovulatory cycles, and there was only one dry day post peak. I did however end up with breast tenderness and, my favorite symptom, nausea.  I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but every cycle with a confirmed ovulation I get nauseated post peak, along with fatigue and hot flashes/night sweats, I'm really not loving it. No clue what is causing it, other than maybe my progesterone being low, or my body not being used to the hormone fluctuations of ovulation (don't think pregnancy, it shows up wayyy earlier than pregnancy symptoms possibly could, and the previous two cycles this happened I had negative pregnancy tests).

So, on to the appointment.  Blood tests showed my estrogen good, testosterone staying lower, but my progesterone low. The ultrasound showed that lining was good and confirmed ovulation!  Only one ovary this time though, lol.

The good news is that it looks like my body has finally decided to cooperate! Yay! Though I am kind of worried that we're getting close to the max number of clomid cycles, and I wonder what happens then?  I've been meaning to ask my doctor, but keep forgetting.  The bad news is that since the oral progesterone isn't doing its job, we're switching to progesterone shots, boo :(. I do not like shots, not at all, nope nope.  Though the Hubs is excited to be giving them, haha, that should be interesting.

So I guess I am again in the TWW.  I'm not really expecting anything though, again our timing was bad, my period is due any day, and I got a BFN on P+12.  So I'm really just waiting for the next cycle to start and to see what it brings.

Cycle Review 6

Well, its that time again.  I had my follow up with Dr. S today for the last month's cycle review.  But first, a recap of this cycle so far.  This was another clomid cycle, same dose, just for a couple more days.  Everything else was the same except for adding back a supplement and I was supposed to add in a fertility massage too, but forgot (and/or didn't believe the premise so didn't want to spend my money on it). Hey, I'm usually a pretty good patient (nowadays at least), so a one time lapse isn't so bad. I will try to remember to do it next cycle.

This cycle, emotionally at least, wasn't as bad as the last. I got a little emotional and had a few bad days, but nothing like the full week from last time.  My cycle itself was weird though.  The clomid seriously dried my cm up up, even with being on like ALL the mucus enhancers, so I had a record high of 5 green days this cycle.  Seriously, never heard of.  With that, my fertile window was down to two days.  Not  a great thing.

Before the appointment, I wasn't sure whether or not I ovulated, there were some symptoms indicating either scenario:

In the "maybe I ovulated?" category: I did have some sort of build up, rather than just peak type mucus on and off the whole cycle.  I also had  some cramping in the general what-I-assume-is-ovary area a couple days before peak day that let up completely on peak day itself.

 In the "there's no way I ovulated" category: there was no L this cycle at all and my CM didn't dry up right away after peak, both of which are usual for me, but different than the one with the confirmed ovulation.

In the "I'm so confused" category: I didn't have breast tenderness right after peak (again, happened in ovulation cycle, and previous times before Creighton that I suspected I ovulated), but it did show up around p+6, so I had no clue what that meant, just a side effect from the progesterone maybe?  I'm breaking out like crazy, possible sign of my testosterone getting even higher (most likely, and would point to no ovulation), or maybe something else going on with my hormones?  Also, the clomid side effects, the dryness is new but could totally be blamed on the clomid, and the lack of side effects is more similar to my ovulation cycle than my last non-ovulatory cycle, but I still did have some, which means absolutely nothing really, but still confused me. Basically, anything I'm used to made me think I didn't ovulate, and anything out of the ordinary made me think something is going on with my hormones, so maybe  I did ovulate.  Yes, I way over-analyze everything.

Also getting to me was the liturgical timing of my cycle (Ah, things only an infertile Catholic would say).  I'm trying not to be superstitious, I really am, but I couldn't help look at the timing of my cycle and the feast days the fell during it and wonder if it was a sign of something, or if the extra prayers could help at least. Our St. Joseph's Novena and St. Joseph's day fell pre-peak. It looked like ahead of time that my peak day would fall between the annunciation and palm sunday, and it ended up being the day after the annunciation. And then P+10 fell on Easter.  P+10 is the earliest day my next cycle could start, as my post peak last cycle was only 9 days (the latest it could be based on my wonky cycles is next Sunday), and the earliest I could possibly get a positive pregnancy test (so of course I took a pregnancy test on Easter which of course was negative, ugh).  And of course, almost the whole cycle took place during lent but it's ending in the Easter season, so... who knows.

On to the doctor's appointment, finally.  First of all, my hormone levels were good, better than ever actually (except for testosterone, the number wasn't in yet). But we still had to do the ultrasound to confirm.  First we checked my right side and after what was probably a few seconds but seemed like eternity, Dr. S announced that she saw a corpus luteum.  Last time I ovulated it was out of my right side too, so I joked that it's just my left side that doesn't like working.  She said "well, we'll see." And then proceeded to check out the left side.  I was waiting to hear that there wasn't anything there, or maybe some cysts, instead she found a corpus luteum there too!  So in case all this gibberish doesn't mean anything to you, my doctor confirmed ovulation, and from both ovaries.  What!  As for the new plan, since apparently the Clomid is working with my body now, we're gonna go ahead with it for another cycle, and just add another mucus enhancer for the drying out issue. And that was it, appointment done.

You guys, in my heart I was so sure that this medicine, this cycle wasn't going to work, I had already counted us out.  I even wanted the Hubs to come along on the appointment so he could be there as we discussed our remaining options.  To his credit, he usually tries to be there anyways, but it does get difficult to take a half day off of work and drive the hour and a half drive there and back, though he wouldn't complaint.  Although he did come along for this appointment, the poor guy waited in the waiting room during the ultrasound, and since we did most of the talking during or right after it, he didn't even get to participate in the appointment.

It's still blowing my mind that instead of being out, we're actually in our first two week wait ever.  For the first confirmed ovulation, our timing was really bad, so I didn't even consider pregnancy possible.  But this time (and for pretty much the first time) our timing was really good.  And there were two eggs available! Ahhh!  We freaked out in the car a little bit at the what ifs, and what would we dos.  We've been trying for over three and a half years, and this is the first time there was a confirmed chance.  Crazy!

That being said, I'm really trying not to get my hopes too far up.  Like I said, I already got a negative pregnancy test yesterday, and with the wonkiness of my cycles, my period can't even really be considered late until next Monday.  I have started cramping too, and getting some stretchy cm, which is usually a sign of impending period, so I just  keep trying to remind myself of that.  In the meantime, I'm just going to be sitting over here, celebrating my crazy double ovulation and trying not to symptom spot, don't mind me.

*ETA* I wrote an update post here, but in case you don't want to click over, we're onto the next cycle now.

Houston, We (Might) Have A Problem

It looks like I might have celebrated just a bit too soon on all the ovulation talk :(.  There may have been some problem with it, so maybe its a little premature to be calling it a success.

As of today, its been 19 days since my peak day, and AF has finally started this afternoon. My post-peak phase (also known as luteal phase) was around 8-9 days when I first started charting last year, which is on the short side, not a good thing.  Once I started post peak progesterone support, last July I think, it slowly lengthened a day or two a cycle until it made it to 13 days, where its stayed.  I figured this cycle might be different what with the "ovulation" and all, but I started to worry once I hit P+15. Although I have been PMSing since P+7, there was really no sign of AF, like the spotting or cramping I usually get, up until late yesterday, which was seriously stressing me out.  I even called my doctor yesterday to see if there was any possible explanation, or anything I could do, and I was just told to wait another week to see what happened.

At least one thing that gave me some amount of peace was knowing that pregnancy wasn't likely possible.  Like I mentioned before, our timing was pretty off, so I wasn't expecting anything.  Unfortunately, that didn't stop me from taking pregnancy tests just in case, which were all negative of course (getting negative tests, even when I'm expecting them, is never fun). I even went out and bought one of those fancy first response tests in case my cheapies that I bought in bulk three years ago had gone bad. Those things have gotten so expensive! Or maybe I just forgot what they cost 3 years ago.  $20 for 2 tests seemed insane to me!  I could've gotten some for cheaper I guess, but all the cheaper ones were blue dye tests, and I avoid those like the plague ever since I got a false positive on one :(.

Anyways, I digress.  According to the Creighton manual, a post-peak 17 days or longer can indicate a problem.  Possible cause of a long post-peak phase, besides pregnancy of course, is lutenized unruptured follicle syndrome (LUFS), multiple ovulation, and misidentification of peak day.  Considering the ultrasound only picked up one corpus luteum, I think that rules out multiple ovulation, and even if I misidentified the peak day, I don't think I couldn't have been off by enough to account for my period being five days late.  So, in my head, the most likely candidate is LUFS, which kind of scares me.

If it is the case, I've read that it can be caused by NSAIDs, which is kind of what I hope caused it, that was the problem.  I'll confess, even though I knew of the possibility, I went a little heavy on the NSAIDs at the beginning of the cycle. My last period was super painful, and I couldn't make it without pain meds.  I also started the LDN at the beginning of the cycle, and took Excedrin (NSAID) for the first week, what with all the headaches is gave me.  But at least that problem would be easily correctable by not taking NSAIDs this time around. The idea of having LUFS being my newest problem, not just cause by NSAIDs, is something really daunting to me, but I don't really want to even think about it yet.

Its also true that my surgery was still pretty recent, the doctor did say it could take a few months for things to work right.  Also, as the Hubs stated, its my body's first time (that we know of) ovulating, I need to give it a break, haha.  All that is basically, me trying to reassure myself that I don't now have another problem I need to worry about, ugh.

All that said, those extra few days were pretty rough.  I felt pretty defeated.  I was so happy things were working, just to feel like I had the rug pulled out from under me. Now all I can do is wait and see how the next cycle goes.  I'm just so happy its finally here.

7QT: Random Happenings Around Here

I haven't joined in on Seven Quick Takes in a while, and I really wanted to.  Problem is, I don't really have like some interesting, overarching theme to talk about.  So, you just get a random amalgamation of what's been going on around here, lucky you!

-1-

Ok, first of all, lets talk about the super bowl.  We kind of had a super bowl party.  And by kind of, I mean it was just me and the Hubs.  But we got chips, dip, pizza, soda, and beer (all things that are usually not stocked in our house) and had a good time watching the game commercials.  No leaving the house, no dealing with awkward small talk, and I got to watch in my pajamas... it may have been my favorite super bowl so far :).

-2-

I found out on Monday that I ovulated this cycle!!  I know I've already talked about it, but it really is the most exciting thing to happen around these parts in a while!  I'm still super psyched about it :).  In case you're new around here, check out the Infertility Journey page to see why this is a pretty big deal.

-3-

At the same doctor's appointment, I got a new handout of advice.  I love my doctor because she seems like she's always on top of things.  She said this handout was based on the latest research, so cool. Along with suggesting a bunch of new supplements, it also suggested that I avoid BPA and Phthalates.  I have to confess, I've never really been "crunchy".  I have nothing against it, it just seems like a lot of work and I'm lazy.  But now I kinda have to try.

You guys, I had no idea how much stuff BPA and Phthalates are in!  I got some new, more natural shampoo, conditioner, body and face wash, to try to avoid all that stuff and all.  I tried them all out today, and I'm not sure I love them yet.  One the positive side, my hair looked great, on the negative, it didn't feel great, and it all smells like baby powder, not like the advertised scent.  So the jury's still out on it, I guess we'll see.  Anyone else have favorite natural products?

-4-

Along the same vein, one of my newer medications is giving me vivid dreams.  While its a good thing that the dreams aren't scary or upsetting usually, they're not really particularly interesting.  For example, last night I dreamed about getting laid off at work (in a mostly non-dramatic way) and applying for new jobs.  A few nights before I dreamed about vacuuming .  Yep, you read that right.  Hours of vacuuming, emptying the vacuum, and then continuing with the vacuuming.  I tell you, my subconscious knows how to party. I can't wait to find out what's next, sweeping? doing the laundry?

-5-

Speaking of jobs, the poor Hubs is not only working, but has been busy studying for a couple important tests lately (please send up some prayers for him if you can).  I really appreciate what he's doing, and know its gotta be so tough. I really shouldn't even be whining about it, but I miss him!  What it means is I see him while we get ready in the morning, for the half hour or so when we eat dinner, and mayyybe for a little bit before I fall asleep, if I don't fall asleep too early.  And I'm so bored without him to hang out with!  I forget how lucky I am to have such a awesome hubs that I have so much fun with sometimes, at least this is a good reminder.  Also, I need someone else to take up some of the dogs' attention, I love them, but sometimes they drive me crazy.  One of them kept waking up wanting to play (fetch, of course), and kept it up for almost a whole hour last night.  Crazy dog!

-6-

I still haven't taken the plunge on a diet (as if that wasn't clear from the first take) but I think I'm leaning towards weight watchers.  They have a promotion where your fees for two months will be reimbursed if you manage to lose 10 pounds during them, which is totally (possibly) doable.  The promotion ends valentine's day, so that gives me some motivation to get started.

I had a humiliating run in with the ghost of weight watchers past this week though.   I was ordering lunch at a new restaurant and, not knowing the portion sizes, ordered two things.  Turned out I ordered enough to last me at least three lunches.  Oh, and right behind me while I was ordering was my old weight watchers leader. So yea, humiliating, especially since I've gained like 40 lbs since I last saw her :(.  Oh well, more motivation, right?

-7-

This story, about the husband who's wife divorced him because he wanted to keep their son, who they found out after he was born has down syndrome, has been on my mind.  Its so heart breaking, yet heart warming that so many people have rallied around baby Leo.  It also makes me think of the children have not been so fortunate. They will all be in my prayers.

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Thanks for stopping by!  Head over to Kelly's at This Ain't The Lyceum for more!

First Post Surgery Cycle Review (Cycle Review 4)

So, this cycle I picked back up on all the supplements  (I should make a list of them but I'm just too lazy) and added in 25 mg of Clomid on cycle days 4, 5, and 6, started Low Dose Naltrexone, 7 days of Biaxin for the brown bleeding, and, as always, continued with post peak progesterone (200m orally twice a day).  I have to admit, I was not really looking forward to the meds, and wasn't very hopeful at the outset.  Thank you to all the commenters on the post before the cycle started for giving me the pep talk I needed to stick with the plan.

Things went much better than expected.  I noticed the difference from the Biaxin right away, no brown bleeding, yay!  I didn't notice any side effects from the clomid really either. The first time I took it I had hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings, but this time I didn't notice any of the first two.  I did get a little irritable for a few days, but nothing like before, and no depression/crying/breakdowns, so I'd say that's a major improvement.  It may have been due in part to the other new addition, the Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN).

I'm not going to lie, my first week on that stuff was awful.  I was fatigued, nauseated, and had headaches all the time for nearly the whole week.  I was not a happy camper or fun to be around, and nearly useless at work.  Luckily, it magically cleared up right around day 6 or 7, and I've been mostly great since.  The only lasting side effects are some headaches here and there (I never got them before, so I think the LDN is the cause) and waking up in the middle of the night.  The first two weeks on the LDN I woke up every single night between 2 and 4:30 AM.  Its tapered off since then, but still happens once or twice a week.  Hopefully it'll taper off completely soon.  On the plus side, I've noticed my mood has brightened up a lot, so much so that those around me have noticed too.  I don't feel overly cheery, I'll always be somewhat on the Eeyore scale of personalities, lol , but at least I feel like myself again.  I missed that, and I was worried that I'd never feel like that again.

I definitely noticed a difference in this cycle.  (TMI warning, mucus discussion ahead, lol). The fertile type of cm started up right at the end of AF, including lots of lubrication and some even some clear, both of which I rarely see.  I was totally confused, considering I usually peak around day 18 or after.  I totally wasn't expecting to peak on CD 12!  Oh, and post peak I even had a dry day!  The last one I had was back in July, so that was pretty exciting for me and my annoying continuous mucus cycles. I also noticed my PMS symptoms (my tell tale sign is wanting to cry at country songs, lol) didn't pick up until a week after peak, compared to how it had been starting right after, so another good thing!  All of this had me thinking I might have actually ovulated, but I didn't want to get my hopes up...

Well, today I had my follow up and...drum roll please... the doctor was able to confirm that I ovulated!!!!!  Seriously, you have no idea how hard it was for me to not put that at the top of the post!  Dr. S said she saw a good looking corpus luteum in the ultrasound! Totally made that discomfort worth it, yay!  First confirmed ovulation ever, and since I started all the treatment! I'm so happy about it!  She also said my lining looked good.  My progesterone and estrogen were way better than before, but still low.  So next round we're going to up the Clomid to 50 mgs, here's hoping the side effects keep themselves to a minimum.

I don't think pregnancy is even a possibility this cycle.  Our timing was really bad, partially because I wasn't expecting peak so early and was confused about the CM, and the rest just because of life getting in the way.  That combined with the low hormones, and I really don't have any expectations.  I'm actually pretty at peace with it, which is a grace from God because I definitely wouldn't normally be ok with it at all.  I'm glad I get to be happy about the ovulation without any added pressure of stress of whether I'm pregnant.

At the same time, I keep trying to talk myself down.  What if what the doctor thought was a corpus luteum was actually just a new cyst? Or what if it's only a one time thing and my ovaries decide to stop cooperating?  Ugh, I need to get out of my head on this.  I think I'm just going to go ahead and be cautiously optimistic about what the next cycle will bring.