Monday Weight Update

First, a housekeeping (blogkeeping?) detail, then I'll get to the substance.  So, currently my weight watchers weigh in day is Monday.  I used to prefer Tuesday or Wednesday because it would let me bounce back if when I was bad on the weekend, but this works best with my current schedule and keeps me on my toes, so I'm sticking with it.  Anyways, back to the point.  Mondays= weigh in day. I'd like to do a weekly (more or less) post updating on my progress so far. Monday weight update is a pretty boring title, so I'd like to think of a more catchy title for the weekly post, but I can't really come up with anything.  The only thing I've thought of so far is Motivation Monday but, lets be honest, I might have some bad weeks where I'm not so motivated. So, I'm asking for your help to come up with something! Feel free to leave any ideas in the comments.

So, that's the blogkeeping matter, on to the update.  This week was a little easier than last, considering I wasn't on a road trip or anything.  The process slowly gets easier as I get more used to tracking and planning meals. There still are moments where I really just want all the carbs and sugary things and its hard to hold myself back.  I ran across a package of oreos in the pantry that I had forgotten and started snacking on them all the time.  I finally had the Hubs polish them off so I wouldn't.  The poor guy has a rough life, haha. There are also moments of shock, like when I was considering getting a bread bowl from Panera.  I learned the bowl itself, not even factoring soup, would be more than half of my daily points!  Crazy!

I also came across some extra motivation this week.  I broke down and paid a fee to get access to all of my blood work from the last few years from the lab I usually use.  Looking over the labs, something was abundantly clear.  Although treatment can help level things out, it appears the overriding issue is my weight.  As my weight went up so did the bad levels, even while I was receiving treatment that was supposed to be making things better.  Even looking at my most recent labs after surgery, my hormones are better, but still not as good as when I started treatment, when I was 50 lbs lighter :(.  Its kind of disheartening thinking about the fact that my gaining weight has directly worked against what we've been trying to accomplish, and that even after everything I've been through, my hormones aren't better than when I started.  Its also difficult knowing that I have a long journey ahead of me, and this weight isn't going to come off as fast as I put it on.  But it does give me motivation, knowing that I have concrete proof that losing weight will help make me healthier, and give us a better chance, even if it doesn't get us to the final goal.

So that all being said, I did lose another 2 lbs last week. That means now I'm down a total 5.4 pounds.  I'm just hoping to keep the momentum going and to keep getting healthier!

7QT: Random Happenings Around Here

I haven't joined in on Seven Quick Takes in a while, and I really wanted to.  Problem is, I don't really have like some interesting, overarching theme to talk about.  So, you just get a random amalgamation of what's been going on around here, lucky you!

-1-

Ok, first of all, lets talk about the super bowl.  We kind of had a super bowl party.  And by kind of, I mean it was just me and the Hubs.  But we got chips, dip, pizza, soda, and beer (all things that are usually not stocked in our house) and had a good time watching the game commercials.  No leaving the house, no dealing with awkward small talk, and I got to watch in my pajamas... it may have been my favorite super bowl so far :).

-2-

I found out on Monday that I ovulated this cycle!!  I know I've already talked about it, but it really is the most exciting thing to happen around these parts in a while!  I'm still super psyched about it :).  In case you're new around here, check out the Infertility Journey page to see why this is a pretty big deal.

-3-

At the same doctor's appointment, I got a new handout of advice.  I love my doctor because she seems like she's always on top of things.  She said this handout was based on the latest research, so cool. Along with suggesting a bunch of new supplements, it also suggested that I avoid BPA and Phthalates.  I have to confess, I've never really been "crunchy".  I have nothing against it, it just seems like a lot of work and I'm lazy.  But now I kinda have to try.

You guys, I had no idea how much stuff BPA and Phthalates are in!  I got some new, more natural shampoo, conditioner, body and face wash, to try to avoid all that stuff and all.  I tried them all out today, and I'm not sure I love them yet.  One the positive side, my hair looked great, on the negative, it didn't feel great, and it all smells like baby powder, not like the advertised scent.  So the jury's still out on it, I guess we'll see.  Anyone else have favorite natural products?

-4-

Along the same vein, one of my newer medications is giving me vivid dreams.  While its a good thing that the dreams aren't scary or upsetting usually, they're not really particularly interesting.  For example, last night I dreamed about getting laid off at work (in a mostly non-dramatic way) and applying for new jobs.  A few nights before I dreamed about vacuuming .  Yep, you read that right.  Hours of vacuuming, emptying the vacuum, and then continuing with the vacuuming.  I tell you, my subconscious knows how to party. I can't wait to find out what's next, sweeping? doing the laundry?

-5-

Speaking of jobs, the poor Hubs is not only working, but has been busy studying for a couple important tests lately (please send up some prayers for him if you can).  I really appreciate what he's doing, and know its gotta be so tough. I really shouldn't even be whining about it, but I miss him!  What it means is I see him while we get ready in the morning, for the half hour or so when we eat dinner, and mayyybe for a little bit before I fall asleep, if I don't fall asleep too early.  And I'm so bored without him to hang out with!  I forget how lucky I am to have such a awesome hubs that I have so much fun with sometimes, at least this is a good reminder.  Also, I need someone else to take up some of the dogs' attention, I love them, but sometimes they drive me crazy.  One of them kept waking up wanting to play (fetch, of course), and kept it up for almost a whole hour last night.  Crazy dog!

-6-

I still haven't taken the plunge on a diet (as if that wasn't clear from the first take) but I think I'm leaning towards weight watchers.  They have a promotion where your fees for two months will be reimbursed if you manage to lose 10 pounds during them, which is totally (possibly) doable.  The promotion ends valentine's day, so that gives me some motivation to get started.

I had a humiliating run in with the ghost of weight watchers past this week though.   I was ordering lunch at a new restaurant and, not knowing the portion sizes, ordered two things.  Turned out I ordered enough to last me at least three lunches.  Oh, and right behind me while I was ordering was my old weight watchers leader. So yea, humiliating, especially since I've gained like 40 lbs since I last saw her :(.  Oh well, more motivation, right?

-7-

This story, about the husband who's wife divorced him because he wanted to keep their son, who they found out after he was born has down syndrome, has been on my mind.  Its so heart breaking, yet heart warming that so many people have rallied around baby Leo.  It also makes me think of the children have not been so fortunate. They will all be in my prayers.

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Thanks for stopping by!  Head over to Kelly's at This Ain't The Lyceum for more!

My Big Fat Paleo Fail

I've been promising a post about how Paleo has been going for a while. The problem is, Paleo isn't really... going anymore. It really went well for a while.  I was feeling better, cooking new things,  eating lots of veggies and meat.  We even had bison. And well, then the cheating started.

I think it all slowly started going down hill around birthday. My 80/20 slid to 70/30.. 60/40... you get the idea. Then came Halloween... which means candy everywhere of course.  I started out good and bought some organic super dark chocolate from my neighborhood super healthy grocery store.  Of course that only started the candy cravings, which led to butterfingers and kit kats, and... well you get the idea.  Then we went away for the weekend and completely went off the plan and well... I haven't really gotten back on it since then.  I have cooked a Paleo meal here and there, spaghetti squash has become a staple around here, but no consistent sticking to the plan.

I avoided the scale for quite a while, and I'm still refusing to update the weight tracker on the weight journey page, but I have gained half the weight back.  I've also noticed that some fun PCOS symptoms have been flaring up more than usual too.  In general I feel not as great, and I'm especially not looking forward to travelling like this.  I know I need to get my act together, but I seem to have lost my motivation.  It was so hard to break the carb/sugar addition... and then I brought it back.

For now, I don't see it feasible to get back to Paleo.  We're travelling, then I have a week back, which will inevitably be crazy, and then I have my surgery, and recovery.  I'd  like to say after I recover I'll be back to Paleo.  But by the time I'm back in the swing of things, Christmas and New Years will be coming up.  So... I'd like to get back before then, but I think my deadline to get back on plan is New Years.  We'll call it a resolution? 

I know its a big old fail.  I really did feel better/ healthier on Paleo, and I really did want it to work. I thought putting it out there on the blog would keep me more accountable and help me stick with it, and I feel awful admitting it didn't work here.  But hopefully the next time I give it a shot it'll stick?

What I want to gain...

     For the good new of the day... drum roll please... I've lost another 2 pounds, bringing my total weight loss to 16 pounds!  Although I've got a ways to go, things are going pretty well I'd like to think!  I'm already seeing and feeling the changes. A little voice in the back of my head tells me that on other diets I've lost 15 pounds in two weeks, but I know I'm making the right choices, and setting myself up for a healthy lifestyle (and to never have to crash diet again :) ),

    So the topic for this week's meeting (aside from the activelink which I want sooo badly) was "your reasons for losing," which I think it an appropriate topic for my second post.  Why do I want to lose weight? well there's a million reasons, but I for today, here's the top five (in no particular order):

1. I want to be healthy

     I know, so specific and non cliche, but seriously.  One of my biggest motivating factors to join weight watchers was how unhealthy I was.  I can't say I'm really healthy yet, but at least I'm working on getting better.    I knew what my BMI meant, and it scared me.  I was in denial about being obese for some time, but I couldn't hide from it anymore.  At a doctor's visit, my blood pressure came up higher than normal.  At the time I brushed it off, but I'll bet it had something to do with my weight. 

     I also have a hormonal condition, PCOS, which is a big part of wanting to be healthier.  It not only makes it easier to gain weight, but gets worse when you gain more (talk about a vicious cycle).  Over the past year I've noticed symptoms that I never had before show up, and the ones I did have become more pronounced.   PCOS also puts me at about a 50% chance of developing diabetes.  My grandmother lived with my family for 9 years, and I saw how much she suffered with diabetes, I don't want to go through that too.  I could spend a whole post about PCOS and the role it plays in my life, but long story short, PCOS makes losing weight to get healthy even more important.

2. I want to fit

     The easiest way to tell if you're gaining or losing weight (other than looking at the scale) is how clothes fit... and mine just weren't fitting. I've always tried to motivate myself to to lose weight by not allowing myself to go clothes shopping when I'm at a size I'm not happy with.  Problem with that is... when you're gaining weight, at some point you have to buy new clothes.  When I went job hunting and got a new job in May, I allowed myself to buy some new clothes because I needed to look professional... and none of my professional clothes fit anymore.  But by October, I couldn't even fit in the new suit I bought, and the shirts that weren't loose fitting had been hanging in the closet for a while... I couldn't get them to button around my stomach :(.  

     But clothes aren't the only things I wasn't fitting into.  This summer I took two trips that involved flights.In May the seats were snug, and by August I wasn't comfortable unless the armrest was up and I was hogging some of my hubby's space (poor guy).  Fairs and theme parks terrify me.  I don't even want to know what trying to fit in a ride would be like.  So yea... I want to fit.

     The good news is, its already getting better! Just about two weeks ago I decided to try on one of my retired shirts, and it fit! My suit pants are also back on, and comfortable!  They aren't cutting into my stomach and squeezing the life out of me!  Its a small step, and I can't wait to be hitting smaller sizes, but I'm so happy that I can already feel change!

3. I want to feel better

     This ties in with all the others, but I really just want to feel better, physically and mentally.  At my highest weight, physical activity was getting pretty difficult.  Standing for more than 10 or 15 minutes was really uncomfortable.  When I traveled, my legs, ankles and feet got ridiculously swollen and painful.  Squeezing into tight clothes is not only embarrassing, but it hurts too.  I had aches and pains everywhere.  I knew I was too young to feel that old.

     I want to feel more confident and proud of myself.  Being obese is embarrassing.  Its hard for me to see friends or even go out in public because of how I look.  I'll notice when I'm the heaviest person in the room... not to mention that I'm the heaviest person in my office (California... apparently everybody's healthy here, haha). I always will volunteer to take pictures and shy away from cameras because I don't want other people seeing what I look like, or face it myself.

     Luckily, things are starting to get better on this front too.  The hubby and I have started taking our puppy on walks, and while I still get embarrassed at how winded I get on the last uphill stretch, it gets better each time.  Standing isn't so uncomfortable or difficult anymore.  Although I'm still aware of how big I am, people have started to notice and comment that I'm looking better.  Although strangers might not know, people I see frequently know that I'm trying, and that its working, and that's a little confidence boost in itself.

4. I want to be a better wife

     Don't get me wrong, the hubby has never made any negative comments about my weight, and has been nothing but supportive (he seriously is the best hubby ever).  But I can't help but feel bad when I think about the fact that I was 70 to 80 pounds lighter when I met him, that's hard for me to even think about.  I want to look like that girl who attracted him in the first place again! I want to be more physically fit so we can go off on adventures without me complaining or slowing us down.  And I want to be healthy so we can live a long happy life together!

     He already is being so supportive with weight watchers too.  He went grocery shopping by himself the other day, and picked up healthy food, and even got food with the weight watchers points already on it to make my life easier.  He's so amazing, I'm so glad I have his support and help!

5.  I want to be a better bridesmaid

     Last but not least, a good friend of mine from high school is getting married in the spring, and she asked me to be a bridesmaid.  I'm so honored that I get to be a part of her day!  But being a bridesmaid comes with wearing a nice dress and lots of pictures.  I really don't want to be that one girl that's twice the size of the other bridesmaids (seriously they all could be models :) ), that's just embarrassing to everyone involved.  And lets not even talk about trying on bridesmaid dresses when you're the only one who can't fit in the samples... while they're too big on everyone else.  I feel even worse because I know my discomfort when it comes to my size comes off as a bad mood and takes from everyone else's fun.

     I realize  that I'm not got to be a perfect size 2 or 4 by the wedding (or most likely ever).  But I know I can look decent enough to not stand out for all the wrong reasons, and to be healthy enough to keep up with all the activities of the day!

So that's my top five list!  Here's to another good week!