Cycle Review 8 + My Half-Surgiversary

Yep, I finally decided to write this up! It's been, oh, almost two weeks since my doctors appointment, but who's counting, right?  So, cycle recap for you: same old same old with the clomid 50 mgs for 5 days.  Only thing changed was swapping the progesterone pills for progesterone shots.  I noticed a few days of clomid moodiness, but not too bad (other than the day the moodiness coincided with an interview, ugh).  What with the job transitioning there was A LOT going on this cycle, and I really thought that might mess with ovulation, but my peak day actually came a day or two earlier than usual. That was unexpected, but helpful, because it meant I would actually be able to go to a doctor appointment before starting the new job.

 I talked about the first progesterone shot here, and the rest of them weren't that bad, there was only one that made me yelp, lol.  My butt cheeks were sore for a few days after each shot though, lol.  I did feel amazingly better post peak. My nausea and breast tenderness stayed away for the majority of my post peak, up until a few days before the end of my cycle. Yep, spoiler alert, no pregnancy resulted from the last cycle, not much of a surprise. I did have an annoyingly long post peak, probably due to my body getting used to the progesterone, but it was driving me crazy.

So, according to the doctor, lining was good, hormones were better than ever, and I ovulated from both ovaries again.  It was probably my best cycle since starting medical treatment.  The only negative was my cm was not awesome this time around again, though that may have been due in part to one of my supplements not shipping in time.  We also got results of a repeat test on the Hubs.  He did one a year ago and had made some changes since then so we were hoping for some improvement.  Unfortunately, things were pretty much the same, which isn't dismal but isn't great either. Now the Hubs gets to take more supplements and make some lifestyle changes of his own, muahahaha (what, is that mean of me to be happy I'm not the only one having to do things?).

So for the next cycle, well the current cycle now I guess, we're keeping with everything the same (except for the Hubs's changes).  I literally made the decision that I would go with the plan this morning.  I seriously considered taking a break this cycle, and really probably should have.  I was supposed to give my doctor a call about it and talk about the pros and cons, but didn't get a chance.  On top of that, although there were tons of factors telling me to take a break, in the end I couldn't get past the idea that things were just starting to even out and I didn't want to mess with that balance.  Since I didn't get a chance to talk to my doctor about whether a cycle off would mess things up, I didn't want to take that chance.  So I guess we'll see what happens

In other news, yesterday marked 6 months since my surgery.  I've been thinking about it a lot, and not quite sure where my feelings land on it.  It's true that things have gotten much better with my body post surgery.  Before surgery we couldn't get me to ovulate for anything, and now I've been ovulating every month! My hormones are getting better every cycle too.  That's awesome! On the other hand, I'm not one of those super success stories either.

I keep hearing stories about people who get the ovarian wedge resection then have natural perfect cycles thereafter and get pregnant without any help in a matter of weeks or months.  That's obviously not me.  I still need clomid to help me ovulate and progesterone because my body's not producing what it needs to on it's own.  And I don't know if it makes any sense, but I feel like the surgery started another count of 6 months of fertility focused intercourse that didn't work out, so its like I'm labeled as infertile all over again.  I don't know if it's been contributing to the funk or the funk contributing to the negative feelings, but either way it's not so great. I know I need to pull myself out of it and look on the bright side, hopefully I do that soon.

Here's hoping things are looking up with the next cycle review!

Cycle Review 5

I can't believe its already that time again.  For a quick recap, I did everything the same as last cycle, except upped the clomid dose to 50 mgs and didn't take biaxin.  The cycle went okay.  I did get side effecty from the clomid again, I think I cried at least once a day for seven days in a row, but that's actually better than the last time I was on this dose (believe it or not), so I can't really complain.  I had a long pre-peak phase, and a short post-peak phase, so the opposite of last cycle.  I noticed that this cycle seemed to be pretty similar to all my anovulatory cycles, so I wasn't getting my hopes up.

My doctor's appointment today confirmed that this cycle was anovulatory.  My doctor is a little surprised at how resistant my body is being to clomid, even after the surgery.  My estrogen and progesterone are both low, and my testosterone is still high.  Oh, and my next cycle started already today, making my postpeak the shortest its been since July of last year.  Ugh.  Though in good news, my insulin level has come down to normal. We had added a couple new supplements this cycle (I really have to get that list up on here) and I think they might've done the trick.  I just wish that was having some positive effect on the rest of it. The doctor thinks we should give clomid one more shot then move on to a different treatment, but we aren't sure if we can do that (it's a more expensive route).  My doctor did say she was open to trying out letrezole again too, though she doesn't seem to think it will work.

I was pretty upset after the appointment, and for most of the rest of the day, though I'm starting to calm down now.  My mind made the jump from this cycle not working, to the next one not working, to surely we'd be out of options and at the end of the road.  I am realizing that I can't jump to that conclusion yet, and have to wait and let things play out as they will.  I've decided (for now at least) that even if the medicine fails for now, I can take some time off treatment to focus on losing weight, and then try again if I get my weight within healthy range.  That is somewhat comforting to me at least.

I am still worried that I'm in the relatively small percentage of people whose bodies don't respond to the surgery, but I guess it is too soon to know if that's true yet.  So far I've had one unknown (recovering from surgery), one good, and one bad cycle, that doesn't really say anything.  I'm mostly worried because of something somewhat silly. After I had the surgery, I have prayed that, if the surgery wasn't going to work, God be merciful and not give us false hope. I was feeling like not ovulating this cycle was God's way of letting me know things aren't going to work out, but I can't really make that call right now.

So we'll see how the next cycle goes.  If by some miracle my body decides to respond, maybe things won't be as bad as I think they are now.  If not... well we'll cross that road when we get there.

First Post Surgery Cycle Review (Cycle Review 4)

So, this cycle I picked back up on all the supplements  (I should make a list of them but I'm just too lazy) and added in 25 mg of Clomid on cycle days 4, 5, and 6, started Low Dose Naltrexone, 7 days of Biaxin for the brown bleeding, and, as always, continued with post peak progesterone (200m orally twice a day).  I have to admit, I was not really looking forward to the meds, and wasn't very hopeful at the outset.  Thank you to all the commenters on the post before the cycle started for giving me the pep talk I needed to stick with the plan.

Things went much better than expected.  I noticed the difference from the Biaxin right away, no brown bleeding, yay!  I didn't notice any side effects from the clomid really either. The first time I took it I had hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings, but this time I didn't notice any of the first two.  I did get a little irritable for a few days, but nothing like before, and no depression/crying/breakdowns, so I'd say that's a major improvement.  It may have been due in part to the other new addition, the Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN).

I'm not going to lie, my first week on that stuff was awful.  I was fatigued, nauseated, and had headaches all the time for nearly the whole week.  I was not a happy camper or fun to be around, and nearly useless at work.  Luckily, it magically cleared up right around day 6 or 7, and I've been mostly great since.  The only lasting side effects are some headaches here and there (I never got them before, so I think the LDN is the cause) and waking up in the middle of the night.  The first two weeks on the LDN I woke up every single night between 2 and 4:30 AM.  Its tapered off since then, but still happens once or twice a week.  Hopefully it'll taper off completely soon.  On the plus side, I've noticed my mood has brightened up a lot, so much so that those around me have noticed too.  I don't feel overly cheery, I'll always be somewhat on the Eeyore scale of personalities, lol , but at least I feel like myself again.  I missed that, and I was worried that I'd never feel like that again.

I definitely noticed a difference in this cycle.  (TMI warning, mucus discussion ahead, lol). The fertile type of cm started up right at the end of AF, including lots of lubrication and some even some clear, both of which I rarely see.  I was totally confused, considering I usually peak around day 18 or after.  I totally wasn't expecting to peak on CD 12!  Oh, and post peak I even had a dry day!  The last one I had was back in July, so that was pretty exciting for me and my annoying continuous mucus cycles. I also noticed my PMS symptoms (my tell tale sign is wanting to cry at country songs, lol) didn't pick up until a week after peak, compared to how it had been starting right after, so another good thing!  All of this had me thinking I might have actually ovulated, but I didn't want to get my hopes up...

Well, today I had my follow up and...drum roll please... the doctor was able to confirm that I ovulated!!!!!  Seriously, you have no idea how hard it was for me to not put that at the top of the post!  Dr. S said she saw a good looking corpus luteum in the ultrasound! Totally made that discomfort worth it, yay!  First confirmed ovulation ever, and since I started all the treatment! I'm so happy about it!  She also said my lining looked good.  My progesterone and estrogen were way better than before, but still low.  So next round we're going to up the Clomid to 50 mgs, here's hoping the side effects keep themselves to a minimum.

I don't think pregnancy is even a possibility this cycle.  Our timing was really bad, partially because I wasn't expecting peak so early and was confused about the CM, and the rest just because of life getting in the way.  That combined with the low hormones, and I really don't have any expectations.  I'm actually pretty at peace with it, which is a grace from God because I definitely wouldn't normally be ok with it at all.  I'm glad I get to be happy about the ovulation without any added pressure of stress of whether I'm pregnant.

At the same time, I keep trying to talk myself down.  What if what the doctor thought was a corpus luteum was actually just a new cyst? Or what if it's only a one time thing and my ovaries decide to stop cooperating?  Ugh, I need to get out of my head on this.  I think I'm just going to go ahead and be cautiously optimistic about what the next cycle will bring.

Last 2014 Appointment and the New Plan

Yesterday we had our last doctor's appointment of 2014!  Woo hoo!  Anyone else excited with me on this? lol.  It was my post surgery review and appointment to figure out our plan going forward.

First, really quick about the surgery, everything was pretty much the same as I heard after surgery.  The one new bit of information was that the uterine and ovarian biopsies came back clean, so yay there.   She said other than the ovaries being all cysty, everything looked great.  Then we got to watch the surgery video... fun.  I was actually surprised by how much of it I was able to watch.  I really only looked away when things were too bloody, like when my ovaries were being cut into.... ick.  Other than that, it was kinda cool seeing everything, I even got a peek at my appendix, lol.  She checked out my incisions. One of them isn't healing so quickly and looks a little infected, so I get to do a round of antibiotics for that, though the rest of them are healing nicely.  Oh, and just a little update on my end, I was off the narcotics by a week after surgery, and finally was able to wean myself off the minor pain killers, Motrin and Excedrin, by last Friday, so only a little after two weeks after.  

Onto the plan moving forward.  Dr.S wants to jump right in with Clomid next cycle.  Granted we're starting again at a low dose, 25 mgs. Dr. S also wants to add Low Dose Naltrexone, which was surprising to me.  She hadn't mentioned it before, and although I had heard of it before, I hadn't thought it applied to my situation.  According to Dr. S though, it can help with insulin resistance and ovulation, so I guess we'll see if it helps.  As for the TEBB, since the uterine culture came back negative, we haven't found a cause for it.  Dr. S mentioned it could be inflammation, but it seems unlikely because everything looked good during the surgery, so... go figure.  Regardless, we're going to try another round of antibiotics and see what happens.  If you're keeping track, that's two different rounds of antibiotics, so fun.  As for supplements, we're going to keep going with the same as before.  I guess its time to get the pill box ready again.  I can't say I missed it in the last couple months.

I have to admit, I didn't think we were going to jump right in to the meds again so quickly.  The Hubs was surprised too.  I think we both were expecting a longer break, for the sake of the mental health of both of us, lol.  I think my hormones have been acting up too, I've been... a little emotionally unstable the last couple days... I'm not quite sure what that's all about.  Also, I had hoped I would see some difference in my charts after the surgery, but they look the same as before.  I'm just not feeling very hopeful about it all.  Even though its only been 3 weeks since surgery, and Dr. S mentioned that it can take up to 3 months after surgery for the ovaries to completely heal, I guess I was hoping for some quicker effect.  So, with all of that combined, last night I had a little bit of a break down.

Considering all of that, we're not sure I'm actually going to start with the meds next cycle.  I just don't know if I'm ready for it, especially since Clomid tends to make me sad. I think I'm just going to see how I feel the next couple weeks and decide once the next cycle starts.  Yep, I'll push the decisions off till next year :).

This might be my last post before then, new years eve plans and all, so I'll see you on the flipside :).

Recovery Recap and Some Lessons Learned

I know, there have been far too many posts about the surgery.  Sorry if they've gotten boring.  Feel free ignore and catch up next time.

So first of all, just a little recap of the recovery process so far:

Recovery Recap

By far, the absolutely worse part of recovery was the ride home from the hospital.  It started out fine, but around halfway through, some combination of a bumpy road, the pain meds wearing off, and my mom being in a hurry to get me home, combined into... ouch.  I was in excruciating pain, every start, stop, and bump just hurt so much.  I was in tears, pillow in one hand, rosary squeezed in the other for like the last 15 minutes of the trip.  When we finally got back to my parents' house (I stayed there because I could be on the bottom floor), the scene was kind of comical.  I was greeted by my dad and sister at the car. I don’t think they were expecting me to be in such bad shape.   I was hunched over in pain, and shuffled my way to my room, followed by an entourage of four people who were kind of helpless to do anything.   I laid down for a bit and finally started to feel better.  The Hubs was off to the drugstore to pick up my pain meds.  Once I got those I was fine J.

I relaxed the rest of the day, was fed jello and pain killers lol.  I guess I had too much liquid, I was up almost every hour that night having to go to the bathroom.  I felt sooo much better the next day though.  The Hubs had to keep me from getting up by myself and walking around too much.  Actually, that's pretty much been how the recovery has gone, I want to wander around, the Hubs tries (and mostly fails) to keep me from doing too much, I get tired and sore and admit to the Hubs that he was right, and pop some pain killers.  It was easier for him to keep me from doing things when I hadn't figured out how to get up without using my abs (because ouch) but now I've figure out workarounds, and the diminishing soreness helps.  I've been working on tapering off the pain meds, and hoping to be done with the narcotics today or tomorrow.  I go long stretches without any, but the pain creeps back up again.

Staying at my parents' house turned out to be perfect for recovery.  It has wide, straight hallways, making it easy for a recovering person to shuffle around.  There's lots of furniture around, meaning sufficient things to hold onto or sit on if needed.  And my shower had a handle and a seat, perfect for if I got to tired. We stayed in my old room, which was kinda fun, thought it meant more of the 50s lifestyle. My old room has two built in twin beds so we couldn't even push them together.  I didn't mind though, it meant I had my own space, tossing and turning was more difficult, and my bed was comfy and low, so it was easy to get in and out of.  The one negative was that my parents have started to use it for storage.  Stored right at the foot of my bed was my nephew's high chair.  I couldn’t really handle that, and eventually had my sister move it to the closet.

So anyways, yesterday I was feeling good enough for the car ride home, so after staying two days longer than we had planned, we headed home.  Its nice to be back on my couch (yes I love my couch) and have internet back.  Its also nice to be able to cuddle my dogs again :).  While we were at my parents, they were stuck outside.  They are so not outside dogs, the first thing they did back home was cuddle up on top of pillows, lol, rough life that they have.

Anyways that's my recovery so far.  On to the little bit of knowledge I've gained.  

Things I've Learned

I'd call these these tips, but they aren't really handy, just some pieces of advice from my experiences. If you need laparoscopy tips head over here.  I know I've mentioned it a few times, but it really is great. So, here are things I wanted to pass along:

1. Recovery might not go as expected

I really thought that the recovery would be a lot of sleeping and movie watching and that's about it.  Things have been a little bit different than that.  The pain meds had the opposite effect on me from what I expected.  Instead of making me sleepy, they make me wide awake.  I've barely been able to get 7/8 hours of sleep a night, with lots of waking up in the middle of it, and I've gotten in only one or two naps.  I also had some other weird side effects that I hadn't expected.  For example, the pain meds also made me itchy and mentally checked out.  A few of the other side effect are mentioned below.

And as for the movies thing, no internet means no netflix or google play, means no movies. I tried to watch tv, but couldn't really find anything I liked.  It turned out to be a good thing, instead of settling in on the couch, it meant I did more walking around and talking to family.  Point is, be prepared for unexpected things, whether negative or positive, to happen.

2.  You might be emotional

After the HSG I had earlier this year I was emotional for a couple days, so I knew I should expect that again, I think its a side effect of the anesthesia, pain, pain meds or some combination thereof.  Somehow, it still surprised me.  Its been a lot stronger and lasted a lot longer than before.  I've been very sensitive, irritable, and overall just really emotional.  The weird thing is that I feel completely justified and normal, but have to remind myself that I'm not.  I'm actually glad it took time before I got the internet back, I had a lot of feelings about how things went at the hospital that I needed time to process before posting about it.

3. Constipation (and getting over it) is no joke

Okay, this one is a little TMI, but so is most everything else on the blog I guess.  Anyways, everything I read warned me that there might be constipation after surgery.  My doctor even warned me right before surgery, and gave me a prescription for miralax.  Even so, my abdominal area hurt so badly after surgery I couldn't imagine having a bowel movement, and I usually respond pretty quickly to laxatives, so I waited until the next day to take the miralax.  Bad move.  I was super constipated until 3 days after the surgery.  I was super bloated and uncomfortable, and worried about the whole thing. I even doubled up on laxatives, which finally worked.  The... unconstipation was  also not fun.  The pain and spotting had been starting to get better, but with the unconstipation got worse.  Just a heads up for anyone who deals with that.

4. I'm firmly team low-rise

Another tip I'd run across a lot was to get either high or low rise underwear to avoid irritating the incisions.  I bought both because I didn't know which I'd like.  After the surgery, I took one look at the high rise underwear and though, oh he** no, lol.  They probably would've landed directly on the incisions and even if they hadn't I think the material would've been too close and irritated them.  So I went with the low rise.  They had plenty of clearance and didn't bother me at all.

5. Its tough to learn your limits

Like I mentioned before, there's been a lot of Hubs telling me no to do things, me doing them anyways, then me getting worn out.  I'm a really bad patient, and I don't like admitting defeat.  I have had to though.  There are things I can't carry... like our bigger dog or a flower vase.  Even my purse right now is bordering on the too heavy side.  I couldn't pour my own milk from the gallon yesterday.  I couldn't even get myself out of bed for a few days.  Point is, as you go along, you have to accept that you can't do some things and ask for help, even if you're stubborn like me.

6. There is a way to upgrade the squishy pillow

Everyone also recommended keeping a squishy pillow on hand.  Seriously great advice, and I've been super attached to my pillow since right after the surgery.  It was actually funny, when I was walking into my parents' house after the surgery, I was clutching my pillow. Everyone kept offering to hold it for me, but I wouldn't let them take it away.  They had no idea why I was so attached to the thing.  It felt like it was my security blanket or something, lol.

However, hanging out in my old room, I discovered and old friend that upped  my squishy pillow game.  I found my pillow pet I got a few years ago, which has turned out to be so perfect.  Its big enough to cover my whole stomach area, folds up if I need it to take up less space, and its happy!  I mean just look at it:

His name is Buzby

The only problem I ran into was that the dogs thought it was a toy for them, very self centered those dogs are.  I covered it with a blanket and they completely forgot about it, other than finding it a comfy place to rest (while perfectly cushioning me from puppy paws).  So, if you happen to have a surgery in your future, or just need a smiling face around, I suggest you get yourself a pillow pet too :).

7. You might not know how to feel about the future

I know I've talked  about this before, but its been heightened lately.  I'm so ambivalent on how to feel about it things now.  The Hubs is hopeful.  When I pointed out a cute toddler in a batman sweater to him (we have a game where we point out cute kids to each other), he smiled and said to me "soon".  My mom is hopeful.  So hopeful in fact that she bought baby hats at the hospital and presented them to me on the car ride home.  I, however, have been more cynical than hopeful, according to the Hubs.

I want to believe the surgery will be successful.  I want to believe that this time next year will be different, that maybe we'll have a use for those hats.  I'd like to think that some day I can show those hospital wrist bands to my kid(s) and tell them the story of everything that led to them. But at the same time, I can't really see that in our future, and I don't want to get my hopes up again. I want to be prepared for the surgery not to be a success.  Its kind of weird though, instead of all the pain I'd been feeling as usual, its been like a lot of confusion. I guess its to be expected.

8. Don't underestimate the power of prayer

I very greedily asked for prayers multiple time on here and other places.  I'm so thankful for all those that prayed for me, and really believe I've felt the power of all those prayers.  I know those prayers helped us get to the hospital on time, helped the doctor to sew my ovaries back together when they didn't want to cooperate, and helped me have a recovery that's been surprisingly easy and uncomplicated (despite all the things I've said above).  I know they've been there helping the people taking care of me put up with me too :).  So thank you again I'll be praying for you too!

Surgery Recap

I’m finally settled back at home, and have my internet back (yay!) so, as promised, I’m going to share my surgery story.  I apologize if its too long, I just wanted to get it all down before I forgot.  So here goes nothing…

The night before the surgery, the hubs showed up after work with flowers and a sweet card.  And then, because I tried to follow all of Stephanie's tips (yes, I'm pretending we're on a first name basis now), we went out for a “last meal”.  We went to my favorite build your own burger place, and were joined by my sister and her new boyfriend.  A good time was had by all (I think), though the poor new bf did get grilled a little, it was all in good fun.  After dinner, we went home and relaxed a little, then started packing and cleaning, because I didn’t want the place to be too much of a mess when we got back.  Although that successfully kept my mind off the impending surgery, before I knew it, it was midnight…. and we had to wake up at 3:30 a.m.  Suffice to say, we didn't get much sleep. 

At 3:30, ok more like 3:45 a.m., the morning of the surgery the Hubs and I woke up, showered, got the dogs corralled and in the car, and then headed to my parents house.  We got there around 4:45 a.m., dropped the dogs off, switched to my Mom's car (she wanted to come and she has a nicer car :) ) and got on our way to the hospital.  Funny thing, there were two routes we considered taking, and by accident we took the one we ended up on, but stuck with it.  I think I remember my mom saying when we got to the hospital that there was an accident and traffic the other way, so we would've likely been late (or might not have even made it) had we gone the way we meant to.  Talk about some intervention on that one :).  

We got there around 6, right on time, and checked in. Once I was checked in, a nurse came and escorted me and another woman to the pre-op area, we dropped off our loved ones in a waiting room on the way.  I gave a urine sample, changed into my hospital gown, and got my blood tested.  They were checking for my blood type, which somehow I don’t know, so I asked for them to tell me.  They said they would after the surgery but I forgot to ask.  I guess I’ll find out some other day.

The pre-op area was pretty relaxed.  (the Hubs just told me the pre-op area was the same as the recovery room.  I had no idea.  Mind. Blown).  There were  two nice nurses and we were just telling stories and laughing most of the time, so it kept the nerves at bay.  My dorkiest moment:  the nurse took my temperature with something that she just swiped along my face.  I blurted out "cool, that’s like star trek!"

Tricorder anyone?

(I guess its official, the Hubs has turned me into a trekkie, I’ll just have to live with that).

The worst part of pre-op was getting the IV in. The nurse tried a vein in my hand but that vein was so not having it… ouuuch.  She gave up on the hand and went to the inner elbow… much better, my veins there are always good.

Soon enough my Mom and the Hubs were ushered back to hang out with me, and the anesthesiologist showed up right after them.  He asked if I had any problems with general anesthesia before, I said I didn't think so, last time I had it was when I was seven having my tonsils out. So I turned to my Mom and asked if she remembered any issues I had. Her response was "you didn’t have your tonsils out, did you?!?"  I poked fun at My mom for not remembering I had my tonsils out for the rest of the time, lol.  I also  asked the anesthesiologist about the anti-nausea patch that I've heard about.  He assured me that since I don’t regularly get motion sickness, I would’t need it, and that he would be giving me other medicines to deal with nausea… in hindsight I wish I had pressed the issue more.

Dr. S then came by to go over the surgery.  She was calm about it all, quickly explained what would be happening, answered our questions, then was on her way.  The last thing they were waiting for before I could get hauled off to the operating room was my HCG result.  When it finally came back negative, I told them “ I could’ve saved you the time and told you that” lol.

Then it was “hugs and kisses time” as they called it, I said goodbye to my mom and the Hubs and was wheeled off to the OR.  In any procedure I’ve had before, I’ve been put under before making it to the OR.  This time, my IV wasn't even hooked up yet, so I was wide awake when I was wheeled in there and scooted myself onto the table… below the very big and intimidating robot. 

Friendly looking, isn't it?

They mentioned it had a name, and I think they told me its name was margarita??  But I was administered the drugs and was out pretty quick… so I may never know what the robot's actual name is, lol.

As for how the surgery went, the Hubs made a recording of what the doctor said, though the quality wasn't awesome, but between the recording and what the Hubs and my mom remembered, I was able to piece it mostly together. By the way, I'm not sure if I ever said exactly what the surgery was, just in case, it was a robotic ovarian wedge resection and diagnostic laparoscopy.  The surgery went pretty well.  The doctor didn't see any endometriosis, which was a big relief.  Even though I never had an symptoms of it, I was worried it would show up, and  I really didn’t want to have just one more thing wrong with me. My uterus looked good, but she took a culture and we'll hear about the result at my follow up.  I hope we'll be able to get to the bottom of the TEBB. As for my ovaries, I guess there were so many cysts that my ovaries were really big, and instead of being oval shaped like normal, they were round.  One was worse that the other.  I’ll be interested to find which one it was, and if it corresponds to some pain I've been having.  So anyways, she cleared out the cysts, wedged resected the ovaries to a normal size, and sewed them back together.  She ran into a bit of a problem with that,…. I guess the ovaries were very delicate, kept tearing, and she had a hard time keeping them stitched… so it took some extra time but she got it done.  I guess it had really worried the Hubs, they had been told the surgery would be two hours, but it ended up being four because of that.  He kept asking for updates because he was scared something had happened.  Poor guy L.

After all that was done, I was woken up.  I think I was in the middle of a good dream or something, because I remember being irritated they were waking me up then.  I don’t remember everything in order from the recovery room.   I remember seeing the clock and being surprised that it was 12, my surgery had started around 7:30/8:00 and was only supposed to be 2 hours.  But everyone was just saying the surgery went well.  I remember that I felt like I had to go to the bathroom.  They said I had had a catheter in during surgery and that my bladder was empty, but they gave me a bed pan just in case, turns out they were right.  In hindsight I'm glad I didn't actually have to utilize the bed pan.  I was super groggy, my throat hurt, and I was in a lot of pain.  After complaining about it for a bit, someone asked me what my pain was on a scale from 1-10, I said 7 or 8. They gave me some pain medication that staved the pain off for a little bit, but a half hour later the pain started climbing again, it was around a 5 or 6, and they gave me more pain meds.  I was also nauseated… I bet that patch would have come in handy.  

Then I was just kinda alone in the recovery room for a while… the nurses were busy with other people and in and out of grogginess. Finally, around 1:00, the Hubs was brought back to me.  Once he was back there, we talked for a little bit, he told me that surgery went well and that he recorded what the doc said so I would hear it later.  We hung out for about a half hour.  Then the nurse said I needed to pee before I left and gave me something to drink so that I could and ushered the Hubs out while I waited for my bladder to fill up.

While I was waiting for that, I had a particularly unpleasant moment with the nurse.  She asked if I was having the surgery so I could have a baby.  I said yes.  Then she asked how long we’d been married, I told her three years.  Then she said, oh, you’re so young, you have plenty of time.  I was so not in the mood to hear that, you know while I was laying there in pain in the recovery room.  So I rolled my eyes at her and told her, well, if things are bad now while I’m young, they’re probably just going to get worse, not better.  Then she went on to say something to the effect of I would have kids when I was ready for them and I just needed to relax.  I so wanted to yell at her or something… but figured that wasn’t a great idea.  I just looked away and stopped talking to her.  That just about all I had enough energy for anyways.

Finally, I felt like I needed to pee, so the nurse got me to the side of the bed and to sit up.  I tried to stand... much pain and nausea.  We waited a bit and I tried again, but I was still in pain and dizzy.  So she got me some more pain meds, and let that set in for a while.  After the pain subsided, the nurse brought over this thing to wheel me to the bathroom… I don’t know how to describe it… it was like a dolly crossed with a wheel chair.  Here, I found a picture of something like it:

weird, right?

 All of this made me feel like, for some reason, they were really in a rush to get me out of there, which kinda bothered me since I was still nauseated, dizzy, groggy, and kinda hurting, but I went along with it.  So she got me to the bathroom, and I was able to walk, or shuffle really, back from there to the bed  Then the Hubs was called in to dress me and we called my mom to swing the car around to pick me up.  Everything was going so fast, they almost forgot to take the IV out of my arm! Around 2, I was wheeled out to the car and we headed home.

I figure this post is long enough.  So stay tuned, the next will cover my recovery (so far) and some things I've learned.

Surgery Update

Hi there! I am now officially on the other side of the surgery.  It went well, ovaries are cleaned out and wedged, uterus looks good, and no endometriosis found.

The car ride was so not fun, but now I'm resting at my parent's house being waited on hand and foot. I could get used to this, haha. I'm about 18ish hours post surgery and I'm  already feeling remarkably better and more clear headed. If it wasn't for the pesky abdominal pain and inability to use my abs, I'd be up and running around already,  lol.

Right now I only have internet access on my phone and typing on it is a pain, but I'll get a more detailed recap up when I can use my computer.  Thank you for the prayers,  I really feel their weight. I'd really appreciate prayers for my recovery.

(Over)preparing for Surgery

So I've mentioned before that I've been a little anxious about my upcoming surgery.  It gets more anxiety inducing as it gets closer and more real.  AF just showed up yesterday, so the last possibility of anything stopping the surgery is gone (I didn't ovulate and AF was brought on by progesterone, but still).  Luckily, since its on Wednesday this week there's only a few days of worrying left.  And, much to your relief, only a few days left for me to post about the surgery coming up :).

In order to try to keep myself busy instead of worrying, I've been preparing, and probably overpreparing.  I've emailed some fellow bloggers that have been through the same procedure, and read all the surgery posts I could find, including these ones by Polkadot at Making God Laugh and Stephanie at Blessed to Be, that have been super helpful.  If you've noticed some page views recently on a surgery post... that might've been me haha.  

I've also googled all I could google on ovarian wedge resections.  I think I have now become (mostly) immuune to pictures of ovaries being cut up and sown back together again, though the idea still icks me out a bit.  I was really mean and showed the computer screen of my google image search to the Hubs, telling him that was going to happen to me.  I don't know if I've ever seen him turn that shade of green before... poor guy.  I really should be nicer if I've expecting him to wait on me hand and foot for a few days. 

Speaking of how nice the Hubs is, on Saturday we went shopping for the things I'm expecting to need, based off my binge surgery post reading.  Purchases included, but were not limited to: food and drink (soup, jello, gingerale), miralax, gasx, ibuprofen, cold/heat packs, pads (regular and overnight), loose sweatpants, high and low rise undies, and cozy socks.  My absolutely favorite purchase involved some Christmas pajamas that are sooo soft and fuzzy.  Hey, they're comfy and cheerful...both important.

obviously essential to recovery

While we were already getting Christmas themed things, we picked up some Christmas decorations.  We also picked up our Christmas tree, my parents old artificial tree, its awesome.  I figured if we're going to be spending most out time around the house for a few days, might as well get the Christmas decorating finally started.  We've still got a ways to go (like decorating the tree) but I think its off to a good start.

On the spiritual front, the Hubs and I went to confession on Saturday.  After mass today I asked our pastor for a blessing.  We hadn't introduced ourselves to him since we had started attending this parish about a year ago, so I was a little nervous, but it was really nice and calming.  I also gave the pastor a quick rundown on creighton and napro, he hadn't heard of them before. Hopefully I made enough sense that maybe he'll be able to pass it on to someone else who needs the information. Tomorrow we make our consecration to Jesus through Mary, we're excited about that.

Now I just have to get all the work that's due in the next two weeks done in the next two days... no big deal.

So... I think I'm almost as prepared as I can get.  Do you have any advice, or can you think of anything I'm forgetting?

The Calm Before the ... Surgery

So I know I've mentioned a few times that I have surgery coming up.  Its actually less than a month out now. Sorry if you're getting tired of hearing about it, its probably going to come up a few more times... but at least there's an end in sight?  My last cycle was our last medicated cycle before it. We gave Femera one last shot, and that didn't work out.  So now I'm taking a break from treatment.

I didn't actually stop everything.  I am still taking my medicine and supplements that are health related, just not the ones that are specifically ttc related.  So right now, I'm continuing with Metformin, as well as supplements dealing with PCOS and my MTHFR defect generally.  It is drastically less than I've been taking for the last four months, so that is pretty nice.

Emotionally its been a really good thing.  My strongest reaction to the fertility meds was emotional, I was a *little bit* crazy for those four months or so.  Its really nice to be off of that crazy train.   I do feel a lot more like myself, and at least one of my coworkers has mentioned that I'm more like myself too.  I had started to worry if the meds had permanently changed me somehow, and if I would always be overly emotional  Luckily, that's not the case.  I've actually been surprised at a number of situations that I haven't had an emotional reaction, where on the meds I would have been upset or sad.  Its weird when I start bracing myself for nothing, haha, but its  really nice to be level headed again, I really needed that.  And though he's been nothing but sweet and hasn't said anything, I think the Hubs needed me back too.

Physically, on the other hand, is a different story.  I don't know if my body just got used to the meds, or if its upset because of them, but things have not been great.  My cycle started off  like normal, but that brown bleeding that came back last cycle seems to have set in for the long haul. I'm on CD 13 and there's no sign of it letting up yet.  Talk about frustrating.  I have a call in to my doctor to see if we should treat it now or wait until after the surgery, I'm guessing the latter though.  My skin is also reacting badly.  I've been breaking out with random big painful zits since the beginning of the cycle.  For all of my PCOS symptoms, acne has always been the one I've been lucky enough to not have, so this is an unwelcome occurrence. Any ideas on how to treat it are welcome.  Just to round out the symptoms are some random cramping and sensations, severe stomach upset (though I think that's mostly a diet problem), and pre-peak  breast tenderness that I don't remember ever dealing with before, because why not. Needless to say, me and my body aren't particularly getting along right now.

I've also started to get a little anxious/apprehensive about the surgery.  Before I was introduced to NaPro, I was dead set against the idea of the ovarian wedge resection.  I mean, all I kept hearing about it was that it was an outdated procedure that led to scarring and did more bad than good.  After finding NaPro, I was a little worried that it seemed to be the go-to treatment for PCOS.  I've come to understand that NaPro techniques are different, help prevent scarring, and have great success rates.  I also have a lot of faith in my doctor.  She was open about the risks and benefits, and about her own track record with the surgery, which is great, so I really feel good about her abilities.

Its just that, although I've been fortunate to have a couple people generously email with me about their experiences, I'm still constantly googling the procedure to try to find more out.  Unfortunately, there isn't much online about it other than the aforementioned negative stuff.  If it isn't negative stuff, its surgery pictures and, excuse my immature reaction but, yick!  I've always been pretty squeamish, like fainting at blood tests (though that hasn't happened in a while luckily), and the time I passed out because my sister told me that she cut her finger, I'll never live that down. So just the idea of being cut up, with the wonderful visuals I've gotten from google is... unsettling.  And the thought that I need to be cut up in order to be fixed is weird too.

Right now its pretty easy to dwell on all of this because I don't have a lot going on.  Luckily, in about a week we're about to get pretty busy, what with travelling and the holidays coming up, so hopefully I'll be so occupied I won't have much time to think about it all. 

Little Happies- Six!

Linking up with Stephanie @ Blessed to Be for another Little Happies  Monday Tuesday (I got too tired to finish this yesterday)!

-one-

Although we moved closing in on a year ago, we've only been slowly decorating our place.  The majority of our budget (and then some) went into more major projects, like painting and flooring.  Luckily, we were able to get most of our furniture from my parents. However, our walls have been bare, which made our place feel a little cold and sterile.  Last week my mom was moving around a few of her paintings and gave a few of them to me!  They perk up the house so much and make it feel so much more homey!  And I love having things my mom painted herself in my home!

I wish I had some of my Mom's talent!

-two-

On the same note, we also had some furnishing needs that we'd been put off, like lamps, bookcases, etc.  The Hubs went crazy was super sweet to me this weekend and decided to take me on an Ikea shopping spree!  And we actually didn't fight/ want to kill each other the whole time!  Hey, its not just us, even 30 Rock featured the Ikea effect on relationships.  So all in all it was a fun time and we got  a bunch of fun stuff. Building everything on the other hand is going to take a while.  But I've got one project I'm excited to post here when its done!

This looks way better than the pieces scattered around my living room

-three-

After years of racking up airline miles, and months of debating and watching prices, we finally made some travel plans!  We're going to visit the Hub's family for Thanksgiving!  They live on the other side of the country, so its hard for us to get the time and money to visit, and they have difficulty traveling, so I haven't seen them in two years (I know, I'm an awful daughter-in-law).  Luckily, everything fell together this time, and we'll be able to stay a whole week with them!  According to the Hubs, there might even be snow, which I'm excited about as I've only seen snow fall twice in my life!   It would be awesome if I finally get to make my first snowman!

I totally do

-four-

I don't know if this counts as a happy, but my ovarian wedge resection has been scheduled.  Its a huge relief that the surgery has been scheduled for this year.  If it hadn't been, I wouldn't have been able to afford it, so I was .  My doctors staff had said things were busy, and weren't ready to schedule at my last appointment, so I was patiently anxiously waiting for two weeks to find out.  I'm glad they were able to squeeze me in, even if I'm nervous about the surgery itself and the timing with work.

That's all I've got for now! See you next time.