In the Middle

The infertility journey comes with a lot of highs and lows, but I feel like a lot of this time is just somewhere in the middle, with a lot of waiting.  Waiting for appointments, diagnoses, to see if treatments will work,when we can start the next treatment, and when then next medical bills will roll in (I'm talking about you, pending charges on my insurance website).  I feel like a lot of the time my emotions are somewhere in the middle too...the hope of discovering potential problems and treatments for them, tempered against the fear of another failed cycle.  And of course there is the big wait, the big if, that I probably don't even need to mention, the hope for a child.

Right now I'm in one of those middle/ waiting periods.  We've started a new medicine this cycle, and have yet to see if it'll do anything yet.  We're also considering adoption, but not yet in a place where we can start the process.  Unfortunately, I'm an impatient person... I want to know things now, do things now, and without seeing any results or being able to start something I start feeling like I've already failed.  That means my default is always towards the negative side.  Luckily, the Hubs is more positive and carries both of us with his hopefulness, bringing us back somewhere towards the middle.

I'm also a middle child, and was an emotional thing as a teenager, which led to this being my favorite song (yes, this might date me a little):

Ever since I heard this song, its always stuck with me, its kinda become my theme song, haha.  The funny thing is that it  tends to come on randomly when I'm having impatient/ sad/ anxious episode.  I know its silly, and probably crazy, but I feel like sometimes its God giving me a little message that things are okay, He's not done with me yet, and I just have to do my best and wait it out. So whenever I hear it, it always puts a smile back on my face.  I know, its silly to read that much into a pop song, but whatever keeps you going?

So anyways, here's to getting through the middle.  Anyone else have their own theme song?

Little Happies - Three!

I'm joining in again with Stephanie over at Blessed to Be for Little Happies.

This last week was hectic, but the last few days definitely made up for it! 

-one-

I'm starting off with a little one, shoe shopping! I've been meaning to get some shoes lately, but I never seem to have them time.  Well, Friday I had a work project that required a lot of copying and binding from kinkos.  While I was waiting, I discovered an awesome discount shoe store that had the perfect selection! And I finished my shopping right as kinkos was done! score!

-two-

I attended the 90th Jubilee for a Dominican monastery on Sunday.  These sisters have been a part of my life from before I was born, I was actually named after them!  I'm definitely going to have to write a bigger post about them soon.  It truly was a beautiful day, with a mass said by the Archbishop 

and a lovely reception after where we got to hang out with the sisters.


Its a huge deal because they're cloistered, so we usually only see them from the other side of the grille.

We also saw the Dominican priest who married us three years ago:

He's an awesome, super energetic priest, and a very young 84 :).  All in all it was a great day!  If you're ever in the Los Angeles area, check out the monastery of the angels.  They have perpetual adoration and make great pumpkin bread too (a small one is on display above) :).

-three-

So after writing about this for the last two posts, I finally got my car!!!We were pretty set on the Mazda CX-5, but at our last stop before heading back to the Mazda dealer we fell in love with the Hyundai Tuscon.  We spent hours on Saturday and Sunday visiting multiple dealerships, test driving, and negotiating.  That was awful, but I did get to drive home sunday evening in my shiny new car!  It was sad to see the old one go

I've had it for the last ten years.  But its also reassuring that I won't be sinking thousands more into repairs.  So without further ado (or is it adieu?), here's the new car in all its glory :)

Its weird getting used to a new car, when I was so used to the old one, but I'm having a lot of fun learning how to use the newer technology!

-four-

Divine Mercy Daily! A facebook friend posted this a while ago and I signed up, so I get daily emails with excepts from the Dairy of St. Faustina.  I have to admit I've been bad at getting spiritual reading in, so this has been great!  Her writings are really beautiful, and even a small excerpt gives me plenty to think about.  Also, I signed up to get daily readings from Blessed is She, and I love it.  Even though I don't get myself to daily mass, although I really want to try to do that in the future, I love going over the readings :).  I believe they're supposed to add daily devotions based on the readings sometime soon. I'm looking forward to that!

Cycle Review 2

Ah, the joy of the cycle review.  Just as a recap, this cycle I was on 50 mgs of Clomid for 5 days. I didn't experience the bad hot flashes of the first time, but I got horrible moodiness.  I was basically in a depressed funk of wanting to cry everyday for two weeks... so I'm sure I was fun to be around.too   Despite all the side effects, I had an inkling that I hadn't actually ovulated... but I had to wait till today to find out.

Today was especially fun as I was up late (or early?) working on an important project for work, then stressed out all morning as it still wasn't done.  Then, when I got to the appointment I was ushered into a room with an ultrasound machine, and was surprised to learn I had been schedule for an ultrasound.  One of those things I wish someone had told me?  I have to say, I love my doc, but her staff has some... difficulty communicating...ugh.

So anyways, turns out that the hospital I got my ultrasound and blood test at failed miserably.  They somehow messed up the ultrasound and then only did one out of the three labs that were ordered.  The one lab they did do, insulin, showed my insulin more than doubled since I took the last test a year ago, so that isn't great.  So, back to my appointment, the surprise ultrasound was to see whether I ovulated.  And even though my doctor was hopeful, it looks like I didn't... again.  Ugh, all that moodiness for nothing.  While the doctor was doing the ultrasound (or as I was being probed, as me and the Hubs like to phrase it) she also discovered that my uterus is somewhat tilted.  Yay.  Seriously, every time I go I discover some new problem, though the doc said it wouldn't be a problem. The one good bit of news was that my lining was better.  Well at least its something.

So since I appear to be Clomid resistant, next cycle we're going to try Letrezole, though the doc doesn't seem to think it'll work.  I guess we'll see.  We've decided that if the Letrezole doesn't work, I'll probably move on and get an Ovarian Wedge Resection.  It does sound kinda scary, but right now we've hit our deductible and are nearing the out of pocket max... so money wise time couldn't be better for this

All things considered, I'm just kind of grumpy about it all.  I wish my stupid body would cooperate.  But as least we've got some hope.

Little Happies - Two!

I'm joining in again with Stephanie over at Blessed to Be for Little Happies.

I didn't join in last week because things were a little rough.  Luckily, things have turned around a bit since then, and I'm happy to say I have some things to be happy about! :)

-one-

For about two weeks after I started taking Clomid this cycle, the side effects were awful.  I was a moody mess that felt like crying everyday.  Luckily, mid last week the Clomid side effects finally subsided! And I feel awesome!  Seriously, I feel like I'm walking on sunshine!

Yep, that's about right

My energy is back, I'm happy not weepy, and I don't feel like snapping at everyone all the time!  So I'm sure everyone around me is happier too.  Luckily, this also came in time for...

-two-

Our third anniversary!  As I mentioned before, last Wednesday was our anniversary!  And we truly had a great time! The hubs sent me a beautiful bouquet of roses at work (even though we had agreed on no presents, haha), we went to a nice restaurant that a friend had recommended that turned out to be great, and after dinner we had some of our favorite wine (that I bought at sprouts of course) and had two little bundt cakes that were the same flavors as our wedding cake! It was a perfect night for us.  I forgot to take any pictures, so I'll just share another wedding picture :)

-three-

We're getting closer on the new car front!  This weekend we finally got out to some dealerships and checked out my top two cars.  Though I didn't love the Jeep Cherokee, which I thought was my favorite, I liked the other a lot more than I thought I would.  So it looks like our finalist will be the Mazda CX-5.  

isn't it pretty?

Its the perfect size, great fuel economy, great safety ratings, and the bonus of having technology from this decade :).  I'm a little nervous because my family has a history of buying domestic cars, but due to my current car issues I'm a little disenchanted with ford.  I still might check our a couple other cars, and maybe give ford a change, just to make extra sure I don't end up with buyers remorse.  We also have to figure out what to do with my current car.  Unfortunately the offers we've gotten on it for a trade in value have been really low :(.  Hopefully it'll work out!

-four-

This one isn't as fun as the others, but it was a bright spot of my weekend.  So last week I figured out I was going to have to get a blood test on Sunday.  No fun, right?  Not only did this mean I would have too get a blood test on the weekend, this also meant all the labs around me would be closed.  My only option was to go to the inpatient lab at a nearby hospital.  I wasn't loving the idea, and was warned that there might be a long wait.  All the worry was for nothing though, it turned out to be the best blood draw experience I've had.  Though it took me a while to find my way through the hospital, once I made it to the lab, it took a few minutes for them to get my information, then I got my blood drawn and was on my way!  So much better than the long lines, waits, and slowness in general from my regular labs.  Plus I always get myself a treat (usually a fancy coffee) after any medical tests, so that's always fun.  Hey, positive reinforcement is important!

That's all I have for now! See you at the next link up.

Three Years!

Three years ago, this happened:

Yup, me and the hubs got married  :).  Its funny, right now its seems both so long ago and like yesterday.  We were crazy in love, jumping in the deep end after two years of dating.  He moved out to California to be with me, fresh out of law school with no promise of a job, and I was still finishing up law school, also with no job.  After the honeymoon we moved into a little guest apartment in my parents' house.  We didn't know how we were going to make it, but we just knew we would.  We had faith and love, and that was enough.

We made it the next 6 months off of the Hubs's savings, money we got from the wedding, and my parents help.  Hubs got a job when we were literally down to our last few hundred dollars.  A few months after that, I went into a job interview at a firm that had posted the job anonymously, and found myself in an interview with my godfather that I hadn't spoken to in years.We got out of debt, saved up money, and last year moved into our own condo. Things haven't been completely smooth sailing since then, but its nice to have a place of our own.  Well, not completely on our own, we've got these guys.

Its amazing how God has truly provided for us.  Sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.  I know God has a plan and takes care of us.  The Hubs and I have been especially blessed.  God has always guided us where we needed to go and given us what we needed.

Sometimes its harder to remember that, when this day also marks three years since we started hoping that God would give us a child.  I wish I could have the same faith as I did when we got married.  I know that God has a plan for us and our family, and that it will unfold in his good time, but I really wish I knew what that plan was!  And I really wish I could know that that plan matches up what I want it to be.

I've been struggling with that a lot lately.  I've realized I just have to learn to trust in His plan.  I can't say I'm 100% there yet, but I try, I'm at least taking baby steps there.  And I have to have faith, because so far, trusting God has brought me wonderful moments like this

and all I can do is hope for many more to come.

Blue Apron- Recipe 3 of 3

Sorry about not getting this review up sooner, I've been lazy and to be honest, not particularly excited about this recipe, but here goes:

The last recipe in the box was Summer Saute with Fergola Sarda & Buffalo Mozzarella.

Its all vegetables, and I'm still working on learning to like veggies, so I was worried, but I still had to give it a shot.

This time, I finally got my act together and got a decent picture of everything before the cooking got started:

so. many. veggies.

I got started with cooking the fergola (which I never heard of before) and immediately ran into a problem.  While all of the other recipes were incredibly specific, this one did not say how much water to boil or at what temperature to cook the fergola after boiling.  I guesstimated and it turned out okay, as far as I know I guess.

While that was cooking I worked on cutting up all the veggies.  This recipe was definitely more work intensive that the others, so prep took longer than I had thought. Okay, and can we talk about getting corn off the cob?  I really should've googled that beforehand, I got corn everywhere! I guess you've gotta learn some lessons the hard way?  

But i finally got that done and got everything cooking!

That part was easy, and it did look yummy!  Pretty soon it was done and I got it on the plate, all pretty looking!

 I have to say, out of all the recipes, I think this one looked most like its picture.  So for the verdict?  Well... it was a lot of veggies.  I know, I'm awful, but you can't change your tastes over night?  It was okay... but both me and the hubs felt like it was a little bland.  It needed some... zing.  So we did something I hate to do and added to the recipe, but a little balsamic perked it right up.  It seemed natural considering the recipe had mozzarella, tomatoes, and basil.  And that was it for this blue apron box!

So all in all, I have to admit I'm a fan of Blue Apron.  I really like that we got out of our comfort zones and tried recipes that I would never pick on my own.  A lot of times I'll let the fact that I don't know how to do something keep me from trying something new, but this forced me to try and taught me some new skills along the way.  On the down side, its on the pricey side at $10 a meal per person.  So the final decision is ... drumroll please... not very exciting, haha.  Blue Apron allows you to keep the subscription but cancel a week in advance if you don't like the recipes. For now, we think we'll keep it to one to two boxes a month, depending on whether the recipes sound good.  Stay tuned for the next box!

By the way, as a disclaimer and if anyone is curious, I was in no way paid for reviewing, I just felt like it might be fun.

Blue Apron- Recipe 2!

Today was day two of my first Blue Apron Box!  On the menu tonight was Chicken Sate with Peanut Sauce and Marinated Green Tomatoes.

Looks Yummy!

Once again, started out with rice.  This time I managed to not burn it! Yay!

Unburnt rice! (It's the little things)

Next I moved on to marinating the green tomatoes, not incredibly tough:

And then cooking the chicken:

smokin' hot!

Ok, I might've burnt the chicken a little bit, what can I say?  At this point, my one dog who is scared of cooking went and hid from the smoke in the corner.  The fact that I have a dog afraid of cooking might give you a better idea of my cooking skills (or lack thereof) haha.

Last I prepared the peanut sauce:

I know the picture isn't great, but I had to show the little bottles the liquids came in.  They're too cute, I just love them!  The sauce took a bit of whisking, and some worry on my part, but finally came together!

And here's the final product:

Not as pretty as the picture on the recipe card, but close enough for me!  And it was tasty enough to make up for it!  The rice was good, though I can't really tell the difference between this special(?) jasmine rice and normal white rice, or if there's supposed to be a difference?  The green tomatoes were... ok.  Honestly, I prefer my tomatoes big and red and juicy, not green and firm.  The hubs thought they tasted like apples... I thought they were just bland.  Still, it was interesting to try out something new.  And I'm definitely going to use the marinade, sesame oil and rice vinegar, on some salad in the future!  

Last, the chicken.  It was a little dry, which was my bad, but AWESOME with the peanut sauce.  I loved that sauce, and the hubs did too.  I had no idea it'd be so easy to make. That's easily my favorite part of this experiment, leaning how to make things I never would have thought of trying.  Since I'm not super skilled in the cooking department I tend to stick to trying to learn the basics, but I like that this pushes me and expands my cooking horizons!

Well that's all I've got for this recipe. Tomorrow I'll be cooking the last meal!

Blue Apron Review- Recipe 1

In the last month or so I've see a serious amount of ads for Blue Apron and, me being extremely susceptible to advertising, finally gave in.  Blue Apron is service that delivers all the ingredients for three meals to your door every week.  Considering the fact that I'm awful about cooking dinner and we really want to start eating more healthy, fresh food, I thought this would be a great little experiment for us.

Last week we finally decided to order, and yesterday we got our first box!

(Please excuse my bad photography throughout).  I was so excited to open it up and check everything out, I forgot to take any picture of the inside.  I was too tired to get cooking though, so I put that off until today.

For our first recipe we decided to try out Rice & Beef-Stuffed Poblano Peppers.

Honestly, I picked this first because this seemed like the recipe that was most outside of our box, so I kinda wanted to get it over with. So I pulled out the handy dandy recipe card and unpacked the ingredients, which were all nicely separated and pre-measured.  (Also please excuse the messy counter :) ). What I really liked about the recipe card is that it went step by step, and told you how to time things, that's always something I have trouble with.

I started off cooking rice as instructed... which didn't go so well.  I was so busy chopping the onions I forgot to turn down the heat and burned it :(.  Luckily I had some extra quinoa, so I got that started instead.  I figured it was a healthier option anyway, and it tasted just fine.

Next I roasted myself some peppers

It took a little longer than instructed (and I still don't think I got them fully cooked).  Then I got the meat cooked, stuffed the peppers, cooked them a little more, and we were good to go!  They didn't end up as pretty as the picture, but oh well.

Then came the real test, try them out!  I was a little worried at first, but they were great!  I finished off my plate, and the hubs finished his plate and all of the extra filling we had! Definitely out of our comfort zone, especially as we were both wary of the pepper, and I used some new ingredients I never would have thought of using myself, but its definitely something I'd like to make again.  My only complaint, more of a misunderstanding really, was that I had thought all the ingredients would come pre-prepped, but they didn't.  Really, not a big deal to have to chop up and onion and some garlic, but its not my favorite thing to do.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's recipe!

Little Happies - One!

I've been following Little Happies over at Blessed to Be, and decided I might as well join in, so here goes nothing!

1. Wine!

Yes, this post is brought to you by a glass of wine.  Since we're pre-peak, the doc okays a glass of wine, and I do love my wine, especially on a rougher Monday.

2. Sprouts


Ok, I'm going to sound like an infomercial here, but I've fallen in love with Sprouts.  I initially had an aversion to it because I thought it was too much of a hippie store for me.  But then I discovered that it has an awesome selection of local wine (like the wine that brought you this post), and has the most amazing generic brand.  Seriously, give me some Sprouts pizza and gelato and I'm a happy camper.  Tonight the Hubs and I had some of their Parmesan Crusted Tilapia, and it was awesome!  That's saying a lot coming from two people who hate fish.  So yay for Sprouts!

3. Dog Walks

I'm starting to get into the habit of walking my pup after work.  While our older dog is a stubborn pain who insists on constantly pulling (I still love her though :) ), the pup relaxes and takes his time exploring.  There's something so enjoyable about going on a walk while watching your dog enjoy the little things.

Can you tell which is which?

4. New Car?

Last week my car broke down :(.  We're getting it fixed, but I've had so many problems with it this year we're thinking about maybe just trading it in. So, fingers crossed, we might be able to start searching for a new car for me, or at least one built less than 10 years ago.  I'm excited, hopefully we can make sure it fits in the budget!

That's all I've got right now!  So happy I could join in this week!